Holding Strong at 3 weeks!

So I have managed to maintain my 3 lb weight loss for 2 straight weeks at home.  I'm still riding the high of spending a week with a bunch of fit and positive people.  I feel like I've been a better fitness instructor since I came home.  Like my passion has been reignited.  So how can I make this part-time fitness and wellness thing a full-time gig?  Or, more realistically, how can I carry the positive energy that I get out of fitness into the other aspects of my life?  

My goal for this week is to lose 2 lbs.  I'm psyched that I maintained weight loss but I'm no where near my goal weight.  I know what I need to do to maintain my weight.  What I need to figure out is what I need to do to lose weight at home.  Maybe it won't work but for now I'm going to try to maintain this 3 week trend that I've kicked off (1 strict week followed by 2 maintenance weeks).  

Let's not call this a diet, but a new way of life.  

My Relationship with Food

I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food.  I use it as a reward after a long workout or a hard day.  I use it as a crutch when I'm in a situation that makes me nervous.  I eat when I'm bored.  I eat when I'm sad.  I eat when I'm happy.  I'm definitely an emotional eater. 

Due to potential allergic reactions, I've been forced to clean up my diet over the past year.  Dairy and gluten are a much smaller part of my diet than they used to be.  I eat more veggies and less sweets.  I still allow myself indulgences but nothing like how I used to eat.  I definitely feel better when I eat better. 

I still have moments of weakness when I'm craving the really bad stuff that I used to eat.  I eat it and within minutes I start to feel sick.  My body is getting used to the healthier choices.  It is not taking the bad food.  

I'd love to say that the solution is curing my unhealthy relationship with food but I don't think that is realistic.  I think that I need to find new indulgences that aren't going to make me sick.  I'm never going to sit down with a bag of carrots and hummus instead of a bowl of ice cream but there has to be something in the middle.  

I recently met someone who lost half of herself on Weight Watchers.  She used to be 300+ lbs and is now a very trim 150 lbs.  When we go out to dinner she is extremely disciplined.  She never gets the items with heavy sauce.  Nothing fried.  No desserts.  I asked her what her food indulgences were.  She said that she craved nuts.  That in uncontrollable moments she could eat an entire jar of peanuts.  I looked at her like she was crazy.  She talked about peanuts like I talk about ice cream and Chinese buffet.  

Clearly that wasn't her splurge when she weighed 300 lbs.  How did she make that switch?  How come people have to become morbidly obese to make major life changes that stick?  Why can't those of us who need to drop 30 lbs go through the same transformation?

When I'm craving something bad I need to remember how I feel now.  Dizzy, noxious, bloated, tired, etc.  I need to remind myself that no piece of pizza is worth being sick for the next 12 hours.  That a long workout might burn 2000+ calories but that doesn't give me an excuse to indulge in double that afterwards.  Sigh.  I might have just eaten my last egg roll.  

Learning Discipline

Yesterday I ate so much food that I threw up.  This has never happened to me before.  I've been sick from food poisoning, food allergies, stomach bugs and alcohol but never from stuffing myself.  

I have been very good about making healthier choices when I go out to eat and not giving in to all of my cravings.  If I'm stuck getting fast food when I'm traveling I get the burger or the fries, not both.  I pack healthy snacks into a cooler and keep them in my car so that between meals I won't be tempted by Dunkin Donuts and other highway evils.  I eat a lot less than I used to and notice that I get full quicker. But yesterday was a long day.  

After my second day out of town I was tired of having salad for lunch and steamed broccoli instead of french fries with dinner.  I wanted to get a refill on my drinks rather than just drinking my one lemonade and then water.  I had survived a rough stretch of days and I wanted to reward myself rather than deprive myself.  

So I went through the Dunkin Donuts drive thru and ordered a breakfast sandwich, a donut and a coolata.  I'll admit everything was pretty delicious but also painfully rich compared to what I've been eating.  Then when I got home we picked up Mexican food.  My husband asked me if I was hungry.  I wasn't but I liked the idea of a delicious quesadilla so I said yes.  I couldn't think of the last time I had a quesadilla from a restaurant.  The gluten free, low fat quesadillas that I make at home are good but not nearly as satisfying.    

Halfway through the quesadilla I felt full but I kept eating anyway.  After a couple more bites I felt a strong urge to throw up.  I ran to the bathroom and the quesadilla reappeared.  I am ashamed of myself for not listening to my body.  For rewarding myself with unhealthy food.  For lacking the discipline to make healthier choices. But I am also kind of proud of myself.  The old me could have eaten 2 quesadillas in one sitting without blinking an eye.  

Eating smaller portions and healthier food has changed my stomach.  I couldn't gorge myself if I tried.  My body just won't let me.  That in itself is proof of my progress (in a sort of backwards, way I know).  So this morning I'm drinking my high protein smoothie and heading off to yoga to recenter myself and get back on track.  

My body is telling me something

When I started Nutrisystem 10 weeks ago I mainly did it to lose the weight that I have gained over the past few years and get my metabolism back in order. I wasn't really expecting to make huge diet or lifestyle changes long term. I figured that I had eaten crap for years when I was thinner and that once I got back to a healthy weight, as long as I stayed active, I would be able to go back to eating what I wanted. Boy was I wrong.

During the past week and a half I have fallen off my diet a little. Between having a friend in town visiting and my birthday I have been eating a lot of crap and not working out as much. The good news is that I have only put on half a pound of the 13.5 that I had lost. The bad news is that I have felt so noxious after eating the crappy food that I can't imagine I will want to eat it
in the future.

Chinese Buffet, Red Lobster, Pizza Hut and my favorite local Mexican restaurant have all left me feeling pretty nasty after eating there recently. I didn't eat as much as I would have eaten in the past but it was obviously quite a shock to my system compared to the 1800 calorie days with balanced meals that my body is becoming accustomed to. I am definitely one of those people who lives to eat and not the other way around. I celebrate with food, I wallow in self pity with food, etc. No matter how I'm feeling, there is generally a meal that I can choose that will meet my mood.

So if I feel better after eating a salad and half a plate of seafood pasta at Red Lobster instead of the Admiral's Feast that I used to get then maybe that's what I start ordering. Maybe I need to go for a run when I've had a bad day instead of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Maybe I should buy a new pair of shows to celebrate rather than a heavy dinner at my favorite greasy spoon.

Is it strange that I am sad to lose this part of my persona? It's almost like I've become known as the girl who eats a lot. All of my friends and family socialize with food. Granted, a lot of them are seriously overweight and suffering from diabetes and other weight-related issues but I feel like there is some sort of stigma associated with being the "healthy one". Some where in my brain I think that not being able to eat Buffalo wings is going to affect how much I enjoy going out with my friends. I know that's ridiculous. I'm 33 years old, somehow I've got to get past these childish insecurities that are holding me back. Who cares what other people think. If someone makes fun of me for ordering a lighter dish then I'm just going to have be confident enough not to react.

Sigh, this weekend is another test. A girls weekend of partying while we help my friend find a wedding dress and try on bridesmaid's dresses. I'll just have to keep telling myself that I don't want to buy a size 16 bridesmaid's dress and I want to be healthy when that plate of cheese fries starts going around....

Nutrisystem- 6 Weeks Down

I don't want to turn this into a diet blog by having two weight-related posts in a row but that's just what's on my mind right now. I am one of those people who has been making excuses about my weight gain for years. I was an athlete throughout most of my life so when the pounds started piling on I couldn't admit that the weight gain was my fault. Looking back on things now I definitely see where I went wrong.


When I graduated from high school I weighed 145 lbs and wore a size 10 (I'm 5'6"). I ran indoor and outdoor track all four years and also played on lacrosse, soccer and field hockey teams. I did intense cardio every day for a couple hours a day so I ate whatever I wanted. My uncle nicknamed me Mikey (like the kid from the Life commercials) because if anyone couldn't finish their food they would pass it down to me and I would take care of it for them.

When I went off to college I continued running and started taking karate. I also participated on a few intermural sports teams. I didn't have a lot of muscle in high school so I got injured a lot.
In college, they stressed doing strength training in addition to cardio to prevent injuries. When I left college 5 years later I was 20 lbs heavier but I had packed on a lot of muscle in addition to the party weight and was a healthy size 12. I had continued working out 2+ hours a day throughout college so weight gain wasn't really an issue for me.

I did a year of graduate school and hated it. I started my first real job as an engineer after leaving grad school. I was working long hours and going to happy hour almost every night. Luckily, I was still running and doing karate so the weight gain wasn't significant. I also rescued Chale, my German Shepherd, a year after I started working so that added even more cardio to my life. I left this job after 5 years because it was killing my soul. I weighed 175 lbs when I quit and could still fit into most of my size 12 clothes. I did notice that while the scale hadn't gone up too much my body fat percentage was now in the obese range. I guess replacing salad with beer wasn't a great idea.

So I got a new job and moved to Syracuse in 2005. The position that I filled had been vacant for a while so I had to work long hours to get everything in order. I was traveling a lot and eating out all the time. I had never had a corporate account before so I loved being able to buy whatever I wanted while I was traveling. I let myself indulge in appetizers, desserts, expensive wine and large entrees. I was in a friend's wedding that year and we had ordered the dresses before I moved to Syracuse. I was surprised to find that I had gained 10 lbs in 5 months. I needed help from two other bridesmaids to get into my size 12 dress. I hate all of the pictures from that wedding because I look like I'm about to rip a seam!!

At the end of 2005 I started a long distance relationship with the man who is now my husband. We took turns flying back and forth to visit each other every six weeks. Of course I wasn't working out as much because of all the traveling and we were eating out all the time...
By the end of a year of this traveling I had put on another 15 lbs. Luckily he moved to New York at that point or I don't know how big I would have become!!

For the next couple of years I fluctuated between 195-201 lbs. Between planning a wedding and getting married, remodeling our house and the death of a couple of close relatives my eating habits were completely destroyed. I went to the doctor because I couldn't understand why I had gained so much weight when I was such an active person. If I would have taken a serious look at how much I was working out and eating then compared to my old healthy habits I would have known that I was the problem. Luckily all of my test results were normal but I was warned that if I didn't lose weight diabetes, thyroid problems and all of the other diseases that have plagued other members of my family would be in my future.

Apparently, it didn't matter if there were lapses in my diet and exercise habits when I was in my 20's because my metabolism was still kicking butt. But the combination of turning thirty and slacking on all my healthy habits at the same time completely destroyed my metabolism. I started working out 2+ hours a day like I had in the past but wasn't losing any weight. When I sat down to count my calories for a few weeks I realized that I was taking in 3500-4000 calories a day. So even with the rebirth of all my old fitness habits I was going to maintain my weight because I was eating as much as I was burning.

In May I was 210 lbs at my annual physical. This was a shock. This was my highest weight yet. All of test results were still in the normal range but my body fat was close to 50%. I was told that if I didn't change my diet I would probably continue to gain 5-10 lbs a year and inevitably develop type 2 diabetes. I felt pretty disgusted with myself at this point. So I researched all the weight loss programs and signed up for Nutrisystem. I started the program on 5/22/09.

I follow the Nutrisystem plan 5 days a week and eat whatever I want 2 days a week. My average calories are 1700-2100 during my 5 good days. When I lost 5 lbs in the first week I knew I had found the right plan. After 4 weeks I had lost 10 lbs and all my size 16 clothes were loose on me. I traveled for work during 2 of the past 5 weeks but made sure that I saved my cheat days for when I was traveling. If I needed more than 2 cheat days, I made sure that I worked out extra in the morning before I headed out for my meetings. While I didn't lose any weight during the two weeks that I was traveling, I didn't gain any weight either and that is just awesome.

My husband is almost a foot taller than me so he can pretty much eat whatever he wants and still stay thin. He is eating Lean Cuisine meals for lunch and dinner to help me stick to the program. He is also eating all the other foods that he was eating before (i.e. he'll have a turkey bacon Swiss as an after dinner snack) so not much of a sacrifice for him but I appreciate the effort. He has managed to lose a few pounds as well so obviously those little changes are making a difference for him.

I have my 6 week weigh in on Friday and hope to be 190-something for the first time in a while. I'm not sure what my overall weight loss goal is. I just want to be healthier and less flabby. I'm guessing my ideal weight is some where in the 145-165 range but I don't know if its realistic for me to every be that small again. I'd love to be 175-185. I think that's an attainable goal. Ideally before the fall when I have to try on bridesmaid's dresses for the next two weddings that I'm in...I'm pretty self conscious so I'm not sure about the whole posting before/after pics but we'll see.