l. Let them pick their own dresses. You pick the color but let them pick the style. Everyone's body is shaped different and nothing will piss people off more than buying a dress that makes them feel uncomfortable. People will tell you they can have the dress altered and will wear it again but they aren't going to do that. If you must have your bridesmaids dressed like identical Stepford wives then get their input on the dress that you pick. At the bridal store they can tell you "this isn't flattering on my body or I hate this dress" without having to worry about pissing you off. If you've already picked the dress without any input from your bridesmaids you are not being a good friend. You wouldn't want someone else to pick out a dress that you had to wear for 12 hours. Not too mention have it preserved in pictures forever.
2. Plan activities for the wedding weekend. People are spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to participate in your big day. No one wants to spend four days in your mothers living room staring at the wall. Planning activities doesn't mean paying for them. Even if you don't feel like doing anything, many of your friends and family members will. Put together a wedding website (you can do it for free) with links to local attractions and give your wedding party some free time so they can check out these attractions. Once again, you don't have to participate if you don't want to. Your wedding party will have no problem going out and having a good time without you and this time out may lead to new friendships and relationships.
3. Provide your bridal party with a schedule well before the wedding weekend. This will make it easier for them to plan any activities that they may want to do outside of the wedding activities and will help them figure out when they want to arrive and what to pack. The night before your wedding isn't the first time your bridesmaids should find out that they have a 9 am hair appointment for your 4 pm wedding.
4. Make sure your bridesmaids will be able to see the ceremony or will be able to sit if it is a long ceremony. I have been in weddings were I have not been able to see the bride or the groom for the entire ceremony because of the setup of the church and the placement of the bridal party. I didn't spend $1000 to listen to your wedding. And I certainly didn't spend that money to pass out because I was standing in my 4" heels in a hot church for 90 minutes with my knees locked.
5. Taking into consideration any special accommodations that you need to make for your bridesmaids. You should know these people really well or you wouldn't have asked them to be in your wedding. If one of your bridesmaids is black and you and all the other bridesmaids are white don't expect her to get her hair done at the same salon. Even if you have checked with the salon to see if they have someone who can do black people's hair it will take a lot longer for her to get her hair done than it will take for the rest of you. And, realistically, she's going to want to check out the salon on her own before hand to make sure she is comfortable going there. A bad hair day for her could take months to undo and will only reinforce that she is different.
If one of your bridesmaids is a vegetarian don't plan an all you can eat beef smorgasbord for your rehearsal dinner. If one of your bridesmaids is obese or doesn't work out regularly, that wedding day 5K might not be such a good idea. If you want to be friends with these people after the wedding then you need to act like a friend when you plan the wedding.
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