To All My Cat People

Four months ago my cat Tiger died suddenly.  He was a healthy cat and his death was unexpected but at 12 years old he had a full and happy life.  He was 2 when I rescued him and my life will be forever changed because he was a part of it. 

My husband and I didn't want to go too long without a cat because we didn't want the dogs to lose their "cat manners".  A month after Tiger died we adopted two 1-1/2 year old tabby cats that came from the same litter.  They had been living in a foster home for a year and prior to that were living wild in some farmer's barn.  They were attached to each other so it was hard to place them since people were willing to take 2 cats and the SPCA didn't want to separate them. 

Initially we kept the cats completely separate from the dogs with occasional views of each other through baby gates or leashed visits.  Maybe we were too conservative initially because the dogs become extremely excited every time they see the cats and cannot be trusted to be left alone with them.  The cats mark anywhere the dogs sleep when they are allowed in other portions of the house so we have to limit their access as well.  One of the cats did get past the barriers while I was at work this week and when I came home one of my dogs had him cornered.  No fur was up, I don't think there was any aggression from the dog but he was very excited and had scratched the cat while jumping on him.  The cat had a small cut on his lip and was fine but the experience terrified me.  What if I hadn't gotten home when I did?  Would I have a dead cat on my hands?

Now it seems like we have set up the cats as some sort of forbidden prize for the dogs and they are obsessed with them.  A month ago my uncle died, leaving behind a 10 year old tabby cat.  In my blog from last month I talked about how sad I was that we couldn't find a place for Jones.  Since we brought Jones home my stress level has increased dramatically because now my house is divided in three.

The young cats are still separate from the dogs.  The dogs have had leashed time with Jones in the same room but their reaction is as volatile as it is with the young cats.  Jones has been an only cat his whole life and isn't used to having any animals around.  The young cats have been around other cats but they both have eye infections right now and I don't want them to get Jones sick since he is older and I want to keep his him healthy since he will need to have dental surgery this month to take care of his rotten teeth.  So my husband and I live separate lives behind doggie cats and screens.  The dogs are used to sleeping with us, Jones is used to sleeping with my uncle so we swap who sleeps with which pets each night. The young cats have each other and seem to be content with our visits during the day.  But we are not making any progress towards getting our house, our sanity or our marriage back. 

I worry that we were too conservative in the beginning and now we will need professional help to get them together, if we can ever get them together at all.  Our pet sitter definitely thinks we should rip the band aid off but I have images of cats scratching dog's eyes out and dogs pouncing on cats.  Next weekend we are going to a friends wedding and will need to stay out of town for one night.  I am determined to at least get Jones with the dogs by then.  I feel like either way I'm about to hire someone to help before things are irreversibly doomed. 

My Weight Watcher's Journey Begins

I feel like I have been struggling with my weight my whole life but, in reality, it has only been for the past 10-15 years.  I thought I was fat when I was kid because I developed early and my flat-chested, hip-less peers called me fat.  I wish I could tell that size 3 girl how awesome she was now.  The fact that I remember the names and situations of every time someone has called me fat or ugly in my life tells me this is where it all started.  Most of my relatives talk about weight non-stop.  Someone is always too fat or too skinny.  No one every asks how you are or about your job or family.  The first thing out of any one's mouth is "Wow you've gotten fat" or "You're finally starting to slim down".  Granted, about half of my family is morbidly obese and suffer from the medical problems that come with that so it is probably the focus of their lives as well.  I have always been active and fit, even as an overweight person, and have prided myself on not being diabetic or suffering from the other ailments that my relatives have.

A few years ago I went on Nutri System and lost 15lbs.  The moment I went off Nutri System I gained the 15 lbs back plus and extra 10.  I know that Nutri System worked for me because I didn't have to think.  I just had to grab a box out of the pantry and eat it.  It was expensive but it was easy.  I am a lazy person and I wasn't going through drive-thrus because there was finally something that was equally convenient.  But I didn't learn the right things to eat.  I didn't learn to control any of my cravings or bad habits.  I hadn't gained weight when I gave myself 2 cheat days a week so I got cocky.  Two cheat days became three, then dinner every night, then the diet was out the window and I was 211 pounds.

Once I became a zumba instructor 2 years ago I was able to bring my weight back down to 198.  I have maintained this weight for a while but it is still too heavy for my 5'6" frame and I don't feel good about the way that I look.  People have been talking about Weight Watchers for years but I never thought it was for me.  It sounded like a lot of work and the idea of going to meetings does not appeal to me at all.  But after hearing Jennifer Hudson and Charles Barkley interviewed about their weight loss by using Weight Watchers, I'll admit I was curious.  My husband and I joined the online program and I lost 10 lbs in 5 weeks.  I have not had a 18_ weight in 6 years. 

My excitement lasted for about a week but after two weeks of traveling for work I put 3 lbs back on.  Yes, I am still down 7 lbs but I am worried that it is all going to come back on.  My job involves a lot of time in my car, going to meetings and eating out.  There aren't always healthy food options available and/or time to exercise.  During the summer I am out of town for 2-3 days at a time a couple times a month on top of my normal 2-3 hour drives for meetings 1-4 times a month.  I was complaining to my husband and he immediately, and correctly, put me in my place.

He told me that being out of town for 3 days wasn't an excuse to throw everything out the window the other 4 days.  No, there aren't always healthy menu options but that doesn't mean that I have to go for the most unhealthy options.  Not to mention all the happy hour drinking and desserts.  And even if it's only 15 minutes, I can probably find time to work out if I'm not hung over or watching some stupid movie on HBO.  He was absolutely right.

As much as I don't want to admit it, losing weight is going to be work.  I can prepare my meals at the beginning of the week so that it can be as easy as Nutri System was.  I can work on my time management better so I'm not always running behind schedule and feeling unprepared.  I can find other outlets for my stress that don't involve food or sitting in front of a screen.  Lots of people that I work with are fit and make better meal choices when we got out.  There is no reason that I can't do the same. 

Next week I will be in Pittsburgh, one of my favorite cities.  The food and nightlife are amazing but I have to have some restraint.  I don't want to feel sick after a meal.  I want to love myself all the time, not just because of the way that I look but because of the way that I carry myself.  It felt so good to wear pants that have been in the back of my closet for 5 years.  I know that I can be successful if I just put a little more effort into it.

Cat Sanctuaries and Other Myths

My uncle died from complications from diabetes last week. He was very sick for a long time so while his death was sad, it was expected.  Whenever someone dies it is always emotional going through their personal belongings but it is also very healing.  Unfortunately my families healing cannot begin because of all the stress involved in re-homing my uncle's cat Jones.

Jones is 8 years old.  He has lived his entire life with my uncle.  While he has made appearances over the years for other family members he was definitely a one-man cat. I have made calls to every rescue within an hour of my uncle's house and none of them will take the cat.  I have been told that an older cat who has only had one owner may take a long time to warm up to new people and will be difficult to place.  I knew this and that's why I called places that marketed themselves as sanctuaries and no-kill shelters. I figured they would give Jones the time that he needed to adjust could find him a nice home. 

What bothers me the most is that the public is donating money to no kill shelters and sanctuaries on the allusion that they are the last stop for animals that no one else wants.  That you should give them your money because they are taking care of those animals that would otherwise be euthanized.  In some cases that is true.  I know that there are true animal sanctuaries that take everyone and give them a happy life even if they never get adopted.  But those places do not exist in this area. 

After spending days on the phone I have discovered the following:

1. Many no-kill shelters only take animals that are highly adoptable and, therefore; would not be there for very long.  If you market yourself as no kill but just don't take in the animals that another shelter would euthanize you are still sentencing that animal to death, just shifting the responsibility to someone else to do it.

2. A lot of animal sanctuaries focus their attention on shelters with a high kill rate so they can rescue animals that still have a lot of life to live.  Because of this, those sanctuaries do not take any animals from the public.  You can take your animal to one of the high kill shelters with the hope that a sanctuary volunteer or worker will notice him and rescue him before time runs out but that is an awful risk to take.   The reality is that these places have limited space just like shelters and stop taking in animals after a certain point as well. 

I have volunteered with animal rescue for 14 years and adopted four dogs and three cats from rescue organizations during that time.  I do not want to give the impression that all rescues and sanctuaries are bad.  This is just about my personal frustrations with rescues in Maryland where my uncle lived and my shock at discovering that things were more depressing in the animal rescue world than I could have ever imagined.

I think of the stories on the news that I hear about people dying and leaving behind dozens of neglected animals.  There are always the news reports that show police and volunteers going into the hoarder's house and rescuing the animals.  They show these animals going to local rescue groups and give updates over the next several months as the animals are adopted.  But what about when it's just one cat.  Those stories don't make the news.  Those animals are often sentenced to death when their owner's die or go to jail but we don't hear about that.  If the authorities euthanized 20 cats that had no major medical problems the public outcry would be immense.  But if they euthanize these cats one at a time from 20 different homes the impact is the same. 

I will likely take the cat the 6 hours back to where I live in New York and take it to a true no-kill shelter in my area.  A place that takes healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) pets and gives them the time and love that they need to have a chance at life.  I will continue to donate my time and money to these organizations and try not to let the experiences of the past week jade me too much.  I will not accept that my uncle's best friend's life ends just because his did. 

A Prisoner in My Own Home

I hate my neighborhood.  I live off of a busy street where people speed and run the 4-way stop sign in from of my house.  You have to be careful when you go for a walk, drive or anything in this neighborhood because of all the traffic issues.  In addition to the traffic, there are a number of people who leave their dogs outside unleashed and unattended or who have invisible fences.  I've written about how awful my neighborhood is in the past but it has only gotten worse since then.  http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2009/06/collie-down-street.html

In the past few years we have had 3 new neighbors move in who have made what used to be the sanctuary of my yard, uncomfortable for me as well.  To one side I have a grandmother who watches her 6 grand kids.  She leaves the grand kids unattended in the yard and they enjoy coming up to my fence and poking their fingers through to taunt my dogs and yelling things at them.  If I didn't hate kids before this, I do now.  I am planning on planting trees on this side of the yard to block this neighbor.   

Behind us, we have a neighbor with a labradoodle that is outside and alone all of the time.  This dog is very friendly but very bored and frustrated.  The woman lives alone and is very old and often takes long naps and forgets that her dog is outside  On more than one occasion we have caught her dog after she broke her lead and had to bang on her door to wake her up.  The dogs all agitate each other when they are out at the same time.  The fence that we built to deal with our next problem, has solved this problem.  The dogs still bark at each other when they hear one another but they can't see each other so it doesn't escalate. 

The worst neighbor of all has three large dogs that get no exercise.  She opens the door and lets them run free in her yard while she stands on the porch or stays inside the house.  They run straight to my fence every time and try to jump the fence to get to my dogs.  So of course my dogs try to jump the fence to get to her dogs.  There is a hill on one side of my neighbor's yard that makes the fence only about 3 feet high where our two yards meet.  The dogs could easily get to each other when it was like this so we spent $1000 building a 6 foot wooden fence in front of the 4 foot chain link fence on 2 sides of our yard before anything awful happens.  Unfortunately, my neighbor hasn't done anything and we still have to restrain our dogs when they meet on the one side of the fence where they can still see each other.  All of the dogs immediately run to this side of the fence every time they go outside just in case the other dogs are their for them to fight with.  It is incredible stressful.  I have plans to block their access to each other on that side as well.   

I am extremely nervous that I am going to run into one of these situations when I am in my yard.  It was bad enough that I didn't feel comfortable walking my dogs in the neighborhood but now I stress out on my own property.  I leash my dogs in my 1-acre fenced-in yard or avoid taking them out when I think the neighbors might be out.  My dogs don't get nearly as much exercise as they should and, because of that, have behavioral problems which are difficult to fix.

I have started driving my dogs to a different neighborhood to go for walks in the morning because my neighborhood is so stressful but 1 walk a day for 2 active 4 year old dogs doesn't cut it.  I know that I need to work with my dogs more on their training but it is difficult to train a dog that doesn't have any way to drain his excess energy.  My old German shepherd, Chale, was so much more behaved than these dogs are because he got walked 4 times a day and played fetch until he was exhausted.  But he didn't have the challenges that these 2 have.  He wasn't as reactive as they are because when he was young I didn't live in this neighborhood.  I was able to exercise him without fear of neighbors and traffic. 

I talk about moving with my husband all the time.  Somewhere more secluded where there isn't traffic and where we have less neighbors.  Realistically that can't happen for a couple years with what we owe on the house and where we are in our lives right now.  I have had these dogs for less than 2 years.  I can turn around their behavioral problems if I work at it.  I can't let this neighborhood beat me but on days like this I feel so defeated because I know exactly what they need but I don't feel like I'm in a place where I can provide it.   

I need to come up a with a solution that doesn't involve building a fortress that blocks all neighbors from view and putting a dog park in my yard to keep them entertained. 

I'm a Gleek and I'm Mad

So I love Glee. From the first episode I was hooked.  The singing and dancing.  It's like a musical and a soap opera all in one.  In the beginning it was great but it has slowly started to lose it's way.  I was excited when they had the 'Become a Glee Cast Member' contest this summer.  With a handful of the cast slated to graduate from high school and leave the show at the end of the season, they had to get on to developing new characters to keep the show going.  The show wasn't an American Idol type show with a bunch of rejects and a few talented people.  It was all talented people that were chosen to compete, a welcome change from most of the reality shows. 

My top pick from the summer actually was one of the winners which I loved.  His name is Damian and he is  this Irish guy with amazing eyes who sings old school, rat pack sort of standards.  He is charming and vulnerable and has a awesome accent.  So of course Ryan Murphy and the rest of the team can't figure out what to do with him despite talking about how much they could do with him during the contest.  He's just been in the background with no story line no character development and honestly I feel sorry for him.  It's embarrassing to watch someone who so many Gleeks grew to love over the summer just wallow in "extra-dom".  He is essentially part of the pit crew.  So we wasted the summer listening to him sing and rooting for him as struggled to learn to dance dance moves.  Why have a contest if you weren't going to do anything of substance with the winners.  Any fan could have been plucked off the street and inserted into the show with the role he's been given.  

Another complaint is the diminished role of Chris Coffer, the gay kid.  He is one of the greatest talents on the show and he rarely gets a solo any more.  Maybe they are trying to help us get used to not having him featured since he's supposed to graduate but they did this for a lot of last season too and Rachel, Finn and the other seniors seem to be getting plenty of face time.  It all started when they added Blaine to the show.  I get it, Blaine is talented and the ladies love him but he is no Kurt and really he's basically a one trick pony with his boy band moves and head tosses.  I need to see Kurt him signing and dancing every episode, as a lead, not part of the chorus.  He is the heart of the show and idol for a lot of gay kids who have no one else to look up to in Hollywood.  Not featuring him in the show any more is criminal. 

And while I'm on it, where in the hell are Rachel's adopted parents?  You've been talking non-stop about her 2 gay dads since the beginning of time.  When are we going to meet them?  How hard is it to find 2 gay man who can sing, dance and act in Hollywood? I mean seriously.  Step up to the plate. 

Glee has lost a least 1.5 stars over the past years by not living up to the standard that they set.  They need to get it together or they will lose fans.  That's all I'm saying.  It's still on my DVR but it might not be next year.    

He Said What?

I ran on my first track team when I was in 5th grade (I attended private school where intercollegiate sports started in 3rd grade).  I was a sprinter, running 50-400 meter races.  I continued running track until I graduated from high school.  I was never a star but I was always solidly in the middle of the pack.  I was a consistent runner and a hard worker which won me a lot of sportsmanship awards and lead to me being team captain of my high school track team.  I started running road races when I was 15 because a lot of my friends were on the cross country team.  Running long distances is meditative.  It gives you time to organize your thoughts and relax.  Distance running for me was a welcome change to the stressful, fast-paced sprint races.    

At my fittest I was a size 10.  Not large by general population standards but definitely plus size for a runner.  Over the years my pants size has grown but my love for running has not.  I run a road race most months and attend local running events.  At this point I have been a serious runner for almost 25 years.  I typically run in 5Ks with the occasional 10 K.  Twice a year I pick a long race (10-13 miles) and  spend 3-4 months building up my mileage for those races.  At my training peak I run 25-30 miles per week.  Setting a running goal keeps me motivated.  I rarely place in a race unless there are only a handful of people in my age group.  But realistically, I don't run for any prizes, I run for the satisfaction of finishing the race.  My finisher t-shirt is my medal.    

People who know me, know that I'm a runner and often ask for my advice about shoes, training, etc.  But people who do not know me, do not think I am a runner.  Despite attending multiple events in my area and shopping at the same stores over and over again, no one ever remembers me or cares to treat me with respect.  I am usually asked if I am there for walking shoes.  For the last half marathon that I ran, a race official assumed I was picking up someone else's number at registration and was very vocal (and condescending) about how surprised he was that I was running the race.  When I got a pedicure yesterday I was treated to a monologue from the pedicurist on how serious a runner she was and how fast she runs, etc. so that she could prove to me that whatever I did wasn't on par with what she did.  

Over the years I have come to expect this bias but it still gets to me.  I buy all of my running supplies online unless I need something urgently.  On the internet I find an endless supply of information and products available to me without bias.  The reviews are from runners of all shapes and sizes and help me better pick products that suit my body-type and running style.  In online forums I find that many other runners have been treated to the same ignorant behavior and some of them have even taken a stand and told people off.  I wish that I could do that but generally I am so upset and surprised when it happens that I don't gather my thoughts until several minutes later and then I obsess over it when there isn't anything that I can do about it. 

Anyone who has every attended a road race will tell you that participants vary greatly in age, size, race and fitness level.  I have never been the largest/oldest/youngest person to complete a race and I can't imagine I ever will.  When I look at the race results I am generally in the middle of the pack.  I average any where from 10:30-12:30 minute miles depending on the distance and the consistency of my training.  There are always people who are in the 15-20+ minute mile pace.  I would never think that I am better than those people just because I am faster.  Their goal, like mine, is to be the best them that they can be and surpass personal milestones.  I remember every time someone has called me fat, has devalued my dedication to running or judged me in some other biased way.  I wish that those ignorant people would just shut up if they don't have anything constructive to say.    

2011 Best Movies

Admittedly, this wasn't a great year for me with new movies.  Honestly there just wasn't the draw to the box office that there has been in other years.  I'm been busy with my DVR and Netflix, catching up on great films that I'd missed over the past couple years.  I'm still averaging a couple trips to the movie theater a month but in the past it was once a week or more.  

For me the biggest problem is that I can't trust reviews.  Years ago Rotten Tomatoes was the gold standard for movie reviews.  But in the past couple years it has become horribly inaccurate.  Any movie with action and a little T & A is suddenly the best movie ever made and a must see. Entertainment Weekly is a great resource for information on what movies are coming out but their reviews are awful.  It seems like any movie that has a big budget and can afford to pay Entertainment Weekly to do a feature article on it's film is a must see.  Not to mention that some of EW's critics are directors and film makers who pimp their own films.  

It's much safer to wait until a movie has been out for a while to see if it's really worth your time.  This is my list of the top 11 films of the year.  This list is totally subjective.  I didn't see all of the Oscar nominees and I won't pretend like all of these deserve to be held up as great all time films.  But for one reason or another these movies resonated with me. 

10. Bridesmaids- It's nice to see a comedy that isn't totally predictable and has women in leading roles.  A nice departure from the sappy, romantic comedies that usually involve women and weddings.  

9. Larry Crowne and Everything Must Go- Neither deserve to win any awards but both show great actors in great roles with an enjoyable story line.  Sometimes it's nice to leave the theater with a smile on your face.

8. Super 8- This was a much better movie than I was expecting.  Nice to see young actors that aren't featured on the Disney channel.  This generation's ET.  

7. X-Men First Class- The last X-Men movie (Origins: Wolverine) was awful so I was worried that the franchise had died.  But much like the Dark Knight did for the Batman series, this movie was as good as the original and make me excited about the next one.  Great action and story lines and no unnecessary sex.  

6. Crazy, Stupid Love- Great acting all around and a not so predictable ending.  Lots of laughs without being a stupid chick flick.  

5. Moneyball- Yes, a movie about baseball that involves very little actual play is very enjoyable.  The fact that it is true and that it happened during my lifetime makes it even more entertaining.  Great acting all around. Whoever wrote the script should get an award. 

4. Hanna- This little girl kicks some serious butt.  I'm hoping they make another one just so I can see more people get beat up.  I'm surprised this movie didn't get more hype.  Great story and cinematography. 

3. Thor- The best of the comic book movies by far.  The action, the story line, the ties to the future Avengers movie.  All great.  Edge of your seat action and the lead actor isn't too hard on the eyes either.

2. Win Win- The little independent film that could.  Like any independent film, I wish they had a little more of a conclusive ending but still a great watch.  Paul Giamatti continues to be the darling of independent movies.  If he's in it, you should see it.  Should win for script.  A great story that is well acted and keeps you engaged. 

1. The Help- A fantastic book that was made into an almost equally fantastic movie.  Perfect casting.  Only a few details from the book skipped. Displays a part of history that isn't often discussed.  Nice to see historical fiction that isn't stuck on slavery.  Hope it wins every award it's nominated for.  

Best Picture Nominees that I haven't seen:

 The Artist- Haven't seen it but I'm guessing it's fabulous based on word of mouth.

 Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close- Haven't seen it.  Been told that the book is better than the movie.

 Midnight in Paris- Woody Allen is hit or miss at this point and so is Owen Wilson.  

 The Tree of Life- Mixed reviews.  Brad Pitt factor may have contributed to hype.  

 War Horse- Not every play needs to be made into a movie.  Using real animals in movies should be a thing  

  of the past.  Would be hard to watch without wondering how the animals were affected. 

Best Picture nominees that I have seen: 

The Descendants- Good by not great.  Only nominated because George Clooney is in it.  

Moneyball- Agree

The Help- Agree

Hugo- Good but not great.  Dragged at points.  Probably best family movie of the year; it deserves a nod.