I have prided myself on defying people's assumptions about what a fit person looked like. But, as my waist line has expanded, I recognize that at this point I'm not being honest with myself. It's one thing to be a thick size 12 (like I once was) but I'm not that girl any more. A lot of people treat me like I'm still that girl but all that does is feed my ego and allow me to keep lying to myself.
I get offended when people assume that I'm a walker instead of a runner because of my size but realistically I'm not the picture of fitness and health right now. As I get more involved in Zumba, I love seeing instructors of all shapes and sizes. I recognize that these people are athletes and that they are fit because they're spending several hours a week teaching. But I also recognize that these people aren't as healthy as they could be.
I'm not ever going to be a skinny girl and I wouldn't want to be. But I would love to be that thick size 12 again. I want to get rid of my belly and tone up my body. I haven't been able to run as much during the past few months because I've been having so many joint problems. I know these joint problems are a direct result of my weight gain.
I am currently sitting in a hotel room 5 hours away from home. I have another day of meetings and catered meals ahead of me. I chose to hang out with my co-workers last night and enjoy dinner and drinks on the boss instead of working out. Today is looking like more of the same. I'm feeling pretty gluttonous right now.
My goal is to learn to not over-do the unlimited food and drink that comes with this job and to make time to get my fitness in even when I'm traveling. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to push myself harder because I know what I'm capable of when I commit to something.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Daydreaming My Problems Away
When I was younger I always daydreamed my life away. I would imagine myself married to famous people or in a compromising position with that guy I had a crush on. I would play the martyr to the people who I wanted to like me but who in real life paid no attention to me or made fun of me. My parents, strangers, celebrities, everyone admired and adored me in my daydreams.
My daydreaming contributed to my sleep problems because when I got in bed I would pick up where I had left off the previous night and spend hours spinning these fantastic tales in my head rather than sleeping. Sometimes I would write down these stories but they never seemed as fantastic on paper as they were in my mind. Recently these daydreams have returned to me.
I think that I daydreamed so much when I was younger because I was escaping from the reality of the drama in my life or creating a life in times when I was bored or in a rut. I'm not sure which of these applies now. I have found local success as a Zumba instructor which has added a whole new group of friends and social activities to my life. I continue to be active in meetup groups and have formed friendships with people there. I have been promoted at work to the job that I always wanted but wasn't sure I could get. So whats the problem?
I have two dogs that I love dearly but who have a lot of behavioral problems which drive me crazy. I can only walk my dogs in my neighborhood at certain times of day because so many people in my neighborhood let their dogs run offleash which makes the walks very dangerous and stressful for me and the dogs. There is also a lot of vehicle traffic in my neighborhood where people driving twice the speed limit on the main roads and run stop signs and take blind turns at high speeds regularly. The police are aware of the problem and have officers posted but after 15 minutes all the cops have met their ticket quota and leave the neighborhood until the next time a neighbor complains. I know this is not a problem that will go away. I feel like I'm dodging one problem or another everytime I walk out of my house.
We have a large fenced in yard but on two sides we have neighbors who also have dogs that enjoy fence fighting with our dogs. We take our dogs out on leashes when these dogs are out because the dog's excitement level gets too high if they are allowed to meet the other dogs at the fence. Another neighbor is a grandmother who watches her grandchildren. The grandmother stays in the house while the grandchildren play in the yard. The children stand by the fence and poke their fingers through the holes to taunt my dogs and actually bark and make noise to try to attract the dogs. I try to avoid them as well.
I know that everytime I walk out the door I am carrying the stress of dealing with any one of these problems. I know that affects my dogs; that they sense my apprehension. But I would tell anyone who asked me that the key to any dogs behavioral problems starts with making sure the dog gets enough exercise. I feel like a hypocrite because I know my dogs aren't getting enough.
My flexible work schedule and my husband's regimented work schedule makes this problem even more difficult. When he is available to help me with the dogs we are usually not comfortable taking the dogs out for long periods of time due to the external stresses. The dog's behavioral problems makes it difficult for me to walk the dogs alone unless I wake up early in the morning and drive to a nearby neighborhood with sidewalks and less distractions. In order to do this, I must fall asleep at a reasonable time so that I can wake up early.
Last night I couldn't stop my brain from daydreaming so I spent 2 hours in bed not sleeping. Then I got 4 hours of choppy sleep over the next 5 hours. I got out of bed at 7:30 am. Way too late to take the dogs out for a long walk. I feel exhausted because I didn't get any sleep and disappointed in myself because I didn't exercise the dogs. I am irritable towards my husband on mornings like this. I take the simplest acts, him watching TV the moment he gets out of bed, the wrong way because I am dealing with two dogs that are wound up and misbehaving before he wakes up and there is no break from this stress after he wakes up.
The dog behavioral problem has also taken a toll on our intimacy. With pets it is difficult to find alone time no matter how well behaved they are but it is even more difficult with misbehaving pets. So not only am I wound up because of the dog and sleep problems but I don't have the great stress relief that our intimacy used to provide.
I'm not sure if there is one solution to all of these problems but I know that I need to find a better escape from my problems than daydreaming. I need to make a commitment to taking better care of my dogs, myself and my relationship. But I know that is much easier to write than to implement.
My daydreaming contributed to my sleep problems because when I got in bed I would pick up where I had left off the previous night and spend hours spinning these fantastic tales in my head rather than sleeping. Sometimes I would write down these stories but they never seemed as fantastic on paper as they were in my mind. Recently these daydreams have returned to me.
I think that I daydreamed so much when I was younger because I was escaping from the reality of the drama in my life or creating a life in times when I was bored or in a rut. I'm not sure which of these applies now. I have found local success as a Zumba instructor which has added a whole new group of friends and social activities to my life. I continue to be active in meetup groups and have formed friendships with people there. I have been promoted at work to the job that I always wanted but wasn't sure I could get. So whats the problem?
I have two dogs that I love dearly but who have a lot of behavioral problems which drive me crazy. I can only walk my dogs in my neighborhood at certain times of day because so many people in my neighborhood let their dogs run offleash which makes the walks very dangerous and stressful for me and the dogs. There is also a lot of vehicle traffic in my neighborhood where people driving twice the speed limit on the main roads and run stop signs and take blind turns at high speeds regularly. The police are aware of the problem and have officers posted but after 15 minutes all the cops have met their ticket quota and leave the neighborhood until the next time a neighbor complains. I know this is not a problem that will go away. I feel like I'm dodging one problem or another everytime I walk out of my house.
We have a large fenced in yard but on two sides we have neighbors who also have dogs that enjoy fence fighting with our dogs. We take our dogs out on leashes when these dogs are out because the dog's excitement level gets too high if they are allowed to meet the other dogs at the fence. Another neighbor is a grandmother who watches her grandchildren. The grandmother stays in the house while the grandchildren play in the yard. The children stand by the fence and poke their fingers through the holes to taunt my dogs and actually bark and make noise to try to attract the dogs. I try to avoid them as well.
I know that everytime I walk out the door I am carrying the stress of dealing with any one of these problems. I know that affects my dogs; that they sense my apprehension. But I would tell anyone who asked me that the key to any dogs behavioral problems starts with making sure the dog gets enough exercise. I feel like a hypocrite because I know my dogs aren't getting enough.
My flexible work schedule and my husband's regimented work schedule makes this problem even more difficult. When he is available to help me with the dogs we are usually not comfortable taking the dogs out for long periods of time due to the external stresses. The dog's behavioral problems makes it difficult for me to walk the dogs alone unless I wake up early in the morning and drive to a nearby neighborhood with sidewalks and less distractions. In order to do this, I must fall asleep at a reasonable time so that I can wake up early.
Last night I couldn't stop my brain from daydreaming so I spent 2 hours in bed not sleeping. Then I got 4 hours of choppy sleep over the next 5 hours. I got out of bed at 7:30 am. Way too late to take the dogs out for a long walk. I feel exhausted because I didn't get any sleep and disappointed in myself because I didn't exercise the dogs. I am irritable towards my husband on mornings like this. I take the simplest acts, him watching TV the moment he gets out of bed, the wrong way because I am dealing with two dogs that are wound up and misbehaving before he wakes up and there is no break from this stress after he wakes up.
The dog behavioral problem has also taken a toll on our intimacy. With pets it is difficult to find alone time no matter how well behaved they are but it is even more difficult with misbehaving pets. So not only am I wound up because of the dog and sleep problems but I don't have the great stress relief that our intimacy used to provide.
I'm not sure if there is one solution to all of these problems but I know that I need to find a better escape from my problems than daydreaming. I need to make a commitment to taking better care of my dogs, myself and my relationship. But I know that is much easier to write than to implement.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Me and My Health
Last January at my annual physical the nurse mentioned that my blood pressure was elevated. She said it could be the stress of coming to the doctor but that I should look at it.
In September I had a really bad sinus infection. When the doctor took my vital signs she told me that my blood pressure was a little high and that I should keep an eye on it. She said it could be the medicine the allergy medicine that I was taking but, with my family history of diabetes and hypertension, I should be careful about what I take. This freaked me out. I figured that two warnings was all I needed. I bought a blood pressure cuff so I could measure my readings at home and track my progress as I lost weight.
The findings weren't great. My blood pressure was as high as 145/103 which definitely put me in the hypertensive category. My husband has a similar family history as mine and started tracking his readings as well. His blood pressure wasn't as high as mine but it was definitely wasn't ideal.
My husband and I do not work out consistently. There have been times, when training for a big race, when we run 25-20 miles in a week. We have also gone several weeks without running or going to the gym. Consistency is our biggest problem. I often worry that we won't get serious about our health until one of develops diabetes or heart disease.
In the past 11 weeks I have lost 8 pounds. I didn't get really serious about working out until 3-4 weeks ago when I was preparing to teach zumba. I haven't run at all during this time because of some nagging knee and ankle problems but today I got my new running shoes in the mail and I plan to hit the treadmill either tonight or tomorrow. I also will start lifting weights again so I'm not so prone to injury. Getting back into doing yoga regularly will also help with my injuries.
My husband has lost 6 pounds during this same time period. He hasn't worked out much during this time but he has gotten better about not letting himself indulge in all the junk food that is available to him at work. He plans to cut back on his work hours (from 40 hours to 32 hours) for the next month so he can figure out ways to fit working out and studying into his schedule. I am confident that once he establishes a routine he will be able to maintain it. Before we got together, my husband worked 50-60 hours a week and still found time to run after work three times a week. No, he didn't have a wife, two dogs and a cat at that time but he was married to drinking at the bars with his friends...
Since I've been tracking my blood pressure I was prepared to leave the doctor's office today with a prescription to help reduce my blood pressure. Imagine my surprise when the nurse told me my blood pressure was 110/68 (perfect) and that the wrist blood pressure cuff that we were using was completely inaccurate. Part of me is aggravated that we spent money on such a piece of crap. At the same time I don't know if I would have jumped back into fitness with such enthusiasm if I didn't think I was on the fast track to hypertension like the rest of my family.
The doctor gave me a referral to see a dietitian to help me plan my meals better and with a sleep specialist to try to get me into a better sleep pattern which could be contributing to my inactive metabolism. I am looking to teach Zumba 5 days a week and get back to being the serious athlete that I once was. I want my husband and I to be that fit couple that we always envy.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Finding Myself
Just a few months ago I was in a rut. I was lonely and depressed. I felt like my life had no direction. I wrote my own little manifesto titled The Dream.
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/08/dream.html
In this blog I laid out what I wanted my life to include and brainstormed about how I was going to achieve those goals. In September I took a big step towards achieving one of those dreams when I became a certified Zumba instructor.
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/zumba.html
Since becoming certified I have attended several Zumba events that I never would have attended on my own before. I have put myself out there in a way that I haven't done in a while. I sent out a number of resumes to different gyms in the area. In late December I was offered a job teaching 2 days a week at a local gym. I started teaching the first week of January. I can't tell you how nervous I was teaching that first day but I was also excited beyond belief.
All my fears went away after class when people came up to me telling me what a great class it was. One woman even hugged me and thanked me for such a good workout. I think the best moment of the class me came when a woman walked up to me and told me that her goal was to get down to my size. Even though I am not at my ideal weight, when people look at me they aren't seeing someone who is 50 lbs overweight. They are seeing an energetic fitness instructor.
My overall attitude has changed so much since I started teaching. I am more positive in other aspects of my life. I don't dwell on the negative as much. My social life through Zumba and my participation in meetup groups has also changed for the better. Maybe it's because I'm more approachable now or maybe it was inevitable after almost a year of attending meetup events and meeting other Zumba instructors.
I am still very much a work in progress but I am loving the progress that I am making!
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/08/dream.html
In this blog I laid out what I wanted my life to include and brainstormed about how I was going to achieve those goals. In September I took a big step towards achieving one of those dreams when I became a certified Zumba instructor.
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/zumba.html
Since becoming certified I have attended several Zumba events that I never would have attended on my own before. I have put myself out there in a way that I haven't done in a while. I sent out a number of resumes to different gyms in the area. In late December I was offered a job teaching 2 days a week at a local gym. I started teaching the first week of January. I can't tell you how nervous I was teaching that first day but I was also excited beyond belief.
All my fears went away after class when people came up to me telling me what a great class it was. One woman even hugged me and thanked me for such a good workout. I think the best moment of the class me came when a woman walked up to me and told me that her goal was to get down to my size. Even though I am not at my ideal weight, when people look at me they aren't seeing someone who is 50 lbs overweight. They are seeing an energetic fitness instructor.
My overall attitude has changed so much since I started teaching. I am more positive in other aspects of my life. I don't dwell on the negative as much. My social life through Zumba and my participation in meetup groups has also changed for the better. Maybe it's because I'm more approachable now or maybe it was inevitable after almost a year of attending meetup events and meeting other Zumba instructors.
I am still very much a work in progress but I am loving the progress that I am making!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Don't Ask Don't Tell
So it looks like the US is set to overturn the highly controversial Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy that was made law in 1993. I distinctly remember being a junior in high school and not understanding why the policy was necessary. Did people think that gay people hadn't served in the military before? Why why this policy suddenly needed? Everyone in the military has served with gay people, whether they were out or not, did they think that there would be less gay people because of the policy?
The only thing the policy did was reinforce that gay people were less than straight people in this country. That it was OK to be gay if you hid it. That when a bigot killed a person they suspected of being gay it was that person's fault for acting gay. If you have a problem with gay people then you are the one who should be punished and kicked out of the military. By kicking gay people out because ignorant people were uncomfortable with their presence you are telling gay people that they will be held accountable for the stupidity of others. That we can't expect people to be tolerant of people that are different from them.
The arguments from the people who didn't want the policy repealed are very similar to the arguments against letting blacks and women having equal rights. There are still people who kill people because of race and sex but we don't tell the victims it's their fault for being being black or female. We shouldn't prevent people from living free lives because it might make some people uncomfortable. There are people who stare at my husband and I when we hold hands. People who are blatantly rude simply because we are an interracial couple. It bothers me that these people exist but it doesn't make me let go of my husbands hand.
About an hour north of Syracuse, is Fort Drum Army base. This morning they interviewed three different people who lived at the base to get their opinion of the policy. They picked three people who represented the most ignorant arguments that I have heard against overturning the policy. New York is a very liberal state, particularly upstate New York where I live. It was distressing that the three people that they chose don't properly represent this state.
The first person was an older veteran. He had a long beard, a leather vest and a bandanna (very biker look). He said that when he was in the military there were homosexuals and those people got sent to the hospital; that's just how things went sometimes. I'm happy that this person is too old to serve in the military. But you know that person, and people like him, raise ignorant kids who have the same views or disown their kids when they come out to them. It wouldn't be a surprise if this person wore a sheet on the weekend and burned crosses in front of people's houses.
The second person was in his early 20's and he said that he didn't believe in "it" because that's how he was raised. OK, so you are against homosexuality as a lifestyle. What does that have to do with some one's ability to serve in the military? That person isn't going to stop being gay just because they aren't in the military. Gay people are still going to exist. You cannot force the entire country to live life based on your personal religious or moral bigotry.
The third person was also in his early 20's and he said that he was okay with it as long as "they" didn't hit on him. That's right because every gay person hits on every straight person. Because gay people are obsessed with having sex and cannot control themselves when they are around people of the same sex. Because when you're hunkered down in a foxhole with someone trying to avoid enemy fire their only focus is on getting into your pants. Don't flatter yourself.
When I was in college there was a big deal made of a woman trying to join the Citadel. The administrators at the southern, military school said that she would be a distraction to the other cadets. That they could not guarantee her safety and that their facilities were not set up to accommodate women. In the end she won her lawsuit and opened up the Citadel to women. She didn't graduate because the harassment was too much for her to handle. But many other women have gone on to attend and graduate from the Citadel.
A woman attending the Citadel is not longer such a novelty. Future generations won't be able to imagine not serving next to female class mates. I hope that is how we look back on gays in the military. That we think of the 17 years when we kicked 13,500+ people out of the military simply for being suspected of being gay as a dark time in this country's history. That it is grouped together with other major civil rights milestones.
The only thing the policy did was reinforce that gay people were less than straight people in this country. That it was OK to be gay if you hid it. That when a bigot killed a person they suspected of being gay it was that person's fault for acting gay. If you have a problem with gay people then you are the one who should be punished and kicked out of the military. By kicking gay people out because ignorant people were uncomfortable with their presence you are telling gay people that they will be held accountable for the stupidity of others. That we can't expect people to be tolerant of people that are different from them.
The arguments from the people who didn't want the policy repealed are very similar to the arguments against letting blacks and women having equal rights. There are still people who kill people because of race and sex but we don't tell the victims it's their fault for being being black or female. We shouldn't prevent people from living free lives because it might make some people uncomfortable. There are people who stare at my husband and I when we hold hands. People who are blatantly rude simply because we are an interracial couple. It bothers me that these people exist but it doesn't make me let go of my husbands hand.
About an hour north of Syracuse, is Fort Drum Army base. This morning they interviewed three different people who lived at the base to get their opinion of the policy. They picked three people who represented the most ignorant arguments that I have heard against overturning the policy. New York is a very liberal state, particularly upstate New York where I live. It was distressing that the three people that they chose don't properly represent this state.
The first person was an older veteran. He had a long beard, a leather vest and a bandanna (very biker look). He said that when he was in the military there were homosexuals and those people got sent to the hospital; that's just how things went sometimes. I'm happy that this person is too old to serve in the military. But you know that person, and people like him, raise ignorant kids who have the same views or disown their kids when they come out to them. It wouldn't be a surprise if this person wore a sheet on the weekend and burned crosses in front of people's houses.
The second person was in his early 20's and he said that he didn't believe in "it" because that's how he was raised. OK, so you are against homosexuality as a lifestyle. What does that have to do with some one's ability to serve in the military? That person isn't going to stop being gay just because they aren't in the military. Gay people are still going to exist. You cannot force the entire country to live life based on your personal religious or moral bigotry.
The third person was also in his early 20's and he said that he was okay with it as long as "they" didn't hit on him. That's right because every gay person hits on every straight person. Because gay people are obsessed with having sex and cannot control themselves when they are around people of the same sex. Because when you're hunkered down in a foxhole with someone trying to avoid enemy fire their only focus is on getting into your pants. Don't flatter yourself.
When I was in college there was a big deal made of a woman trying to join the Citadel. The administrators at the southern, military school said that she would be a distraction to the other cadets. That they could not guarantee her safety and that their facilities were not set up to accommodate women. In the end she won her lawsuit and opened up the Citadel to women. She didn't graduate because the harassment was too much for her to handle. But many other women have gone on to attend and graduate from the Citadel.
A woman attending the Citadel is not longer such a novelty. Future generations won't be able to imagine not serving next to female class mates. I hope that is how we look back on gays in the military. That we think of the 17 years when we kicked 13,500+ people out of the military simply for being suspected of being gay as a dark time in this country's history. That it is grouped together with other major civil rights milestones.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
More Amazing Race
Season 17 just ended. At the beginning of the season my husband and I thought all the young coupled teams were weak. There seemed to be drama and a total lack of partnership from the very beginning. We both thought this would be the season when a female team won. We were expecting the doctors (who would make a great couple) and the volleyball players to do well and had high hopes for the gay best friends who all seemed very fit. Of course the volleyball players were super cocky and went out early and the gay best friends went out the first episode. But the doctor's did win! They frustrated us by winning a leg and then almost losing the next leg but we loved them as a team and felt like they really cared about each other. And it was nice to see someone with diabetes living such an active life without them hitting you over the head with the diabetes story. We totally fell for the father daughter team of Gary and Mallory and the HSN hosts Brooke and Claire. They were much stronger than we expected and we'd love to see them on an all-star season.
Season 16 had our favorite team of all time: The Cowboys. They were great competitors. They had great personalities and didn't fall into any of the childish games that the other teams played. We also liked the cops, Louie and Michael, and loved to hate the lesbians Carol and Brandy. There is nothing more frustrating than the "alternative team" making a bad name for other people who live an alternative lifestyle. We were surprised by how well Brent and Caite did despite their stereotypical dumb model moments. It was painful to see Joe and Heidi kicked out early with a U-turn but he was an ass so I guess it was karma. They could definitely win if given another chance. We couldn't stand Dan and Jordan, the brothers and eventual winners. Why do so man 20-somethings act like they're still in high school?
Season 2 had our second favorite team of all time: The Miami Diva Gays aka Danny and Oswald. They had the best attitudes. They were hilarious. They kept their sense of humor, they maintained a great friendship and when time allowed they went shopping and got spa treatments along the race. I would love to hang out with them. We had high hopes for Shola and Doyin, the twins, and were hoping they would last longer. Cyndi and Russell, the married pastors, were a team we wanted to hate but they did have a great attitude and a really sweet marriage. It's always nice to see older people that can compete. The former roommates (Gary and Dave) and the separate couple (Tara and Wil) were annoying. We went in and out of liking the uber fit brother and sister team (Blake and Paige). The grandmothers were inspiring but we didn't have any hope for them. We were happy when Chris and Alex, the best friends won, but only because we liked them more than the other teams in the final three.
Season 3 is the last season that we watched before season 17. This season featured the most annoying competitor and worst winner ever. Based on this season all of the rules for future seasons should be set. One team member should not be allowed to complete most of the tasks. Zach and Flo won the race. Flo complete 1 road block. Zach did the other 9. Flo constantly quit the race and Zach often had to physically carry her because she was too lazy to try. I hope he took his half of the money and never spoke to her again. Terri and Ian, the older married couple, started as another couple with a bossy husband and submissive wife but during the season he seemed to realize how important she was and she started to assert herself more. We found ourselves rooting for them more and more as the race wore on and were happy to see them finish second. We liked the brothers, Ken and Gerard, from the beginning but feel like they would have gone further if they didn't get caught up in all the alliance drama. We were hoping than Team 911, Andre and Damon would do better. We also rooted for John Vito and Jill but they often got caught up in the high school b.s. with the other teams jealousy towards the wonder twins, Derek and Drew.
So we've watched 9 seasons of the Amazing Race in 14 months. Eight more past seasons to catch up on and an All-Star Season coming in February. It seems like in recent seasons CBS has skimped on the production of the show. There haven't been 2 hour specials. There haven't been fake pit stops that were actually just the half way point in the race. They have the footage and they definitely have the money. Why not give us a better show like you did in the earlier seasons? They need to stick with making sure each teammate does an equal number of roadblocks and stop equalizing the field at the beginning of every leg. There should be multiple flights. There shouldn't be one team sitting around for 12 hours before a place opens to let all the other teams catch up. I know they have to do it sometimes but if they do it every time it gets annoying.
Season 16 had our favorite team of all time: The Cowboys. They were great competitors. They had great personalities and didn't fall into any of the childish games that the other teams played. We also liked the cops, Louie and Michael, and loved to hate the lesbians Carol and Brandy. There is nothing more frustrating than the "alternative team" making a bad name for other people who live an alternative lifestyle. We were surprised by how well Brent and Caite did despite their stereotypical dumb model moments. It was painful to see Joe and Heidi kicked out early with a U-turn but he was an ass so I guess it was karma. They could definitely win if given another chance. We couldn't stand Dan and Jordan, the brothers and eventual winners. Why do so man 20-somethings act like they're still in high school?
Season 2 had our second favorite team of all time: The Miami Diva Gays aka Danny and Oswald. They had the best attitudes. They were hilarious. They kept their sense of humor, they maintained a great friendship and when time allowed they went shopping and got spa treatments along the race. I would love to hang out with them. We had high hopes for Shola and Doyin, the twins, and were hoping they would last longer. Cyndi and Russell, the married pastors, were a team we wanted to hate but they did have a great attitude and a really sweet marriage. It's always nice to see older people that can compete. The former roommates (Gary and Dave) and the separate couple (Tara and Wil) were annoying. We went in and out of liking the uber fit brother and sister team (Blake and Paige). The grandmothers were inspiring but we didn't have any hope for them. We were happy when Chris and Alex, the best friends won, but only because we liked them more than the other teams in the final three.
Season 3 is the last season that we watched before season 17. This season featured the most annoying competitor and worst winner ever. Based on this season all of the rules for future seasons should be set. One team member should not be allowed to complete most of the tasks. Zach and Flo won the race. Flo complete 1 road block. Zach did the other 9. Flo constantly quit the race and Zach often had to physically carry her because she was too lazy to try. I hope he took his half of the money and never spoke to her again. Terri and Ian, the older married couple, started as another couple with a bossy husband and submissive wife but during the season he seemed to realize how important she was and she started to assert herself more. We found ourselves rooting for them more and more as the race wore on and were happy to see them finish second. We liked the brothers, Ken and Gerard, from the beginning but feel like they would have gone further if they didn't get caught up in all the alliance drama. We were hoping than Team 911, Andre and Damon would do better. We also rooted for John Vito and Jill but they often got caught up in the high school b.s. with the other teams jealousy towards the wonder twins, Derek and Drew.
So we've watched 9 seasons of the Amazing Race in 14 months. Eight more past seasons to catch up on and an All-Star Season coming in February. It seems like in recent seasons CBS has skimped on the production of the show. There haven't been 2 hour specials. There haven't been fake pit stops that were actually just the half way point in the race. They have the footage and they definitely have the money. Why not give us a better show like you did in the earlier seasons? They need to stick with making sure each teammate does an equal number of roadblocks and stop equalizing the field at the beginning of every leg. There should be multiple flights. There shouldn't be one team sitting around for 12 hours before a place opens to let all the other teams catch up. I know they have to do it sometimes but if they do it every time it gets annoying.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Joys of Marriage
There are many days when I can't believe I ever managed life as a single person. The obvious perk is companionship. Always having a date to weddings. Someone to go with you when you check out that new club/restaurant/play you've been dying to see. A warm body in bed. An ear to listen to you complain about your crappy day. Someone to hold your hand at the doctor's office. A partner in life.
In my marriage I also have the benefit of having a husband who is very handy. I don't have to worry about who's going to cut the grass, snow blow the driveway, clean the gutters, etc. Not to mention all the minor repairs I would have paid a professional to complete that my husband can do.
I hope that my husband thinks of me in a similar way. I do most of the shopping, plan and cook most meals, manage the money, do the laundry and provide most of the care for our pets. When he was single there weren't pets to deal with but I hope that my management of the other household tasks makes up for the additional responsibility of our three pets.
Unfortunately its not all perfect wedded bliss. There are days when I feel like my life is harder to manage than it was when I was single. When it feels like I have a roommate and not a partner. I've had a few of these days in a row and the only way I'm going to get any sleep tonight is to blog about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and there are way more good days than bad days but sometimes he makes me want to scream!
I have the luxury of having a flexible work schedule. I rarely spend more than 24 hours in my office a week. If I have a busy week of traveling and meetings, I can usually take it easy the next week. I work from home as often, if not more, as I go to the office. Sometimes I get cabin fever because I spend so much time in the house alone. I feel like a housewife after too much time alone at home taking care of the pets and the house. I get so excited about my husband coming home and helping out. In my mind, the moment he walks in the door he will notice how clean the house is, how good dinner smells, the pile of clean laundry in his drawer and the fully stocked pantry and be so grateful for this that he will offer to take the dogs out for a long playtime while I enjoy a hot bath. After that he will carry me to the bedroom and make sweet love to me while telling me how much he appreciates me.
Okay, that's not really what I expect but a little bit of that would be nice. My husband works a very physical job and is usually at work 45+ hours a week. When he comes home he sits down and eats dinner and then watches TV until its time to go to bed. The next morning, he might watch another 2-3 hours of TV before getting ready for work. I try not to say anything because I know I've got a really cushy job most days and I recognize how tired he must be. A lot of times my expectation of the relief that I will have when my husband gets home doesn't match up with reality and get frustrated with him. I know it's not fair for me to be angry with him for not living up to my daydream but it's also not fair for him to expect me to give him a free pass in this household.
I recognize that he's not going to be ready to jump up and do something the moment he gets home but after a few hours it starts to get to me. I think that if he sees me doing something productive that will inspire him to do something productive and he will get off the couch and help. That's how my brain works but it's definitely not how his works.
Sunday my husband left the house at 8:45 am and returned home at 8:30 pm. Someone had called out of work so he ended up working later than usual. We sat down and watched TV until 10:30 when he went to bed. This morning my husband's alarm went off at 7 am. After an hour of snooze and sleep he came downstairs made his coffee and sat on the couch to watch TV. He stayed there until it was time for him to take a shower and get ready for work. He left at 10:15 am.
While he was sitting on the couch I took each dog outside for a separate play time and then played with them together inside the house. Then I did the dishes. After that I was a little pissed because I'd been telling him off in my head for the past 15 minutes. I went to sit down and read a magazine to cool off and relax before going to work. About 5 minutes into reading, my husband comes into the bedroom being all cute and kissy face and I'm thinking to myself "Are you f-ing kidding me?". That's not what I said. I didn't say anything. I kissed him back and pretended like everything was okay but if he was paying attention it would have been obvious to him that I was pretending. So not only are you not going to help me but you're going to interrupt the only private time that I've had all morning?
I had meetings after work today and didn't get home until 11 pm. My husband was getting off at 4 pm. Before he left for work this morning I asked him to stop by the pet store and pick up dog food on his way home because otherwise there wouldn't be enough food for the dogs to have dinner or breakfast the next morning. The pet store is literally in the same parking lot as his job. A pretty nasty storm rolled in this evening so on my way home I stopped at the grocery store to pick up milk and a couple of other things we were out of. It was white knuckle driving the whole way home because of the black ice and blowing snow. When I walked in the house I found a sink full of dirty dishes and a note on the door that says "Sorry forgot the dog food, guess I'm a bad husband". My husband is asleep because he has to be at work at 7 am. So there is no chance of him planning on doing any of these things in the morning.
Forgetting the dog food is one thing. Being at home from 4 pm until 10 pm when the pet stores close and not going to get any food is another thing. Not sending me a text message or an e-mail is an even bigger thing since tomorrow I will likely have to drive in a blizzard with several inches of snow on the ground. That's why I picked up the necessities tonight in case we got snowed in. But that's not his problem. I'll go to the pet store tomorrow and get their food. I'll deal with whatever digestive issues they might have from eating a different diet for the past couple meals. I'll get dog food in the morning and then come home to make sure it's here before I leave for work and another late night of meetings. As always, it will be my problem to deal with and not his.
My husband and I have had this argument before so I'm not even going to deal with it. What usually happens is that I get upset that he forgot something or that he isn't helping out. Then he reminds me of how physical his job his and how easy mine is. So then the implication is that I should do more because I have more free time. That he needs more time to decompress after work because of how demanding his job is. Then I usually get the "You know I'm not a dog person/I told you if we got another dog I wasn't going to pitch in more" speech. Then I usually remind him that I'm only asking him to take an hour out of the five hours that he spent on the couch to help out. This sort of passive-aggressive argument goes on for about an hour until we are both sick of it. Then we have an awkward truce where we watch TV and go to bed still frustrated. There might be an apology the next morning or more discomfort but there is never any resolution.
So what tends to happen next is that I become even more obsessive compulsive about making sure everything gets done. I am already a control freak but after one of these incidents I feel like if I don't do it, it won't get done. Then my husband gets frustrated with me for second guessing him all the time. Eventually I let my guard down and ask him to do something and the whole cycle starts all over again.
Tomorrow morning my husband will be all kissy face and act like nothing has happened. I will spend the night tossing and turning and having an argument with him in my head. I might be short with him in the morning but he either won't notice or we'll have an argument about it. Then I'll spend the day stewing every time I do something that he could've done while he was home.
I think the worst part of it is the expectation that he was going to do something. At least when I was single I knew that it was all on my plate and I never relied on anyone to help me out with anything. Marriage gives you the false impression that you have a partner in all aspects of life but that's not the case at all. You have more help in some areas and less help, but more work, in others. What I'd really like to do is go upstairs and take a bath to relax after this long day but I can't because the dogs would run upstairs and play and wake up my husband. So I'll just sit down here and stew because I'm being considerate of his needs even though he clearly doesn't return the favor. F that. I'm taking bath and turning on some relaxing music.
In my marriage I also have the benefit of having a husband who is very handy. I don't have to worry about who's going to cut the grass, snow blow the driveway, clean the gutters, etc. Not to mention all the minor repairs I would have paid a professional to complete that my husband can do.
I hope that my husband thinks of me in a similar way. I do most of the shopping, plan and cook most meals, manage the money, do the laundry and provide most of the care for our pets. When he was single there weren't pets to deal with but I hope that my management of the other household tasks makes up for the additional responsibility of our three pets.
Unfortunately its not all perfect wedded bliss. There are days when I feel like my life is harder to manage than it was when I was single. When it feels like I have a roommate and not a partner. I've had a few of these days in a row and the only way I'm going to get any sleep tonight is to blog about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and there are way more good days than bad days but sometimes he makes me want to scream!
I have the luxury of having a flexible work schedule. I rarely spend more than 24 hours in my office a week. If I have a busy week of traveling and meetings, I can usually take it easy the next week. I work from home as often, if not more, as I go to the office. Sometimes I get cabin fever because I spend so much time in the house alone. I feel like a housewife after too much time alone at home taking care of the pets and the house. I get so excited about my husband coming home and helping out. In my mind, the moment he walks in the door he will notice how clean the house is, how good dinner smells, the pile of clean laundry in his drawer and the fully stocked pantry and be so grateful for this that he will offer to take the dogs out for a long playtime while I enjoy a hot bath. After that he will carry me to the bedroom and make sweet love to me while telling me how much he appreciates me.
Okay, that's not really what I expect but a little bit of that would be nice. My husband works a very physical job and is usually at work 45+ hours a week. When he comes home he sits down and eats dinner and then watches TV until its time to go to bed. The next morning, he might watch another 2-3 hours of TV before getting ready for work. I try not to say anything because I know I've got a really cushy job most days and I recognize how tired he must be. A lot of times my expectation of the relief that I will have when my husband gets home doesn't match up with reality and get frustrated with him. I know it's not fair for me to be angry with him for not living up to my daydream but it's also not fair for him to expect me to give him a free pass in this household.
I recognize that he's not going to be ready to jump up and do something the moment he gets home but after a few hours it starts to get to me. I think that if he sees me doing something productive that will inspire him to do something productive and he will get off the couch and help. That's how my brain works but it's definitely not how his works.
Sunday my husband left the house at 8:45 am and returned home at 8:30 pm. Someone had called out of work so he ended up working later than usual. We sat down and watched TV until 10:30 when he went to bed. This morning my husband's alarm went off at 7 am. After an hour of snooze and sleep he came downstairs made his coffee and sat on the couch to watch TV. He stayed there until it was time for him to take a shower and get ready for work. He left at 10:15 am.
While he was sitting on the couch I took each dog outside for a separate play time and then played with them together inside the house. Then I did the dishes. After that I was a little pissed because I'd been telling him off in my head for the past 15 minutes. I went to sit down and read a magazine to cool off and relax before going to work. About 5 minutes into reading, my husband comes into the bedroom being all cute and kissy face and I'm thinking to myself "Are you f-ing kidding me?". That's not what I said. I didn't say anything. I kissed him back and pretended like everything was okay but if he was paying attention it would have been obvious to him that I was pretending. So not only are you not going to help me but you're going to interrupt the only private time that I've had all morning?
I had meetings after work today and didn't get home until 11 pm. My husband was getting off at 4 pm. Before he left for work this morning I asked him to stop by the pet store and pick up dog food on his way home because otherwise there wouldn't be enough food for the dogs to have dinner or breakfast the next morning. The pet store is literally in the same parking lot as his job. A pretty nasty storm rolled in this evening so on my way home I stopped at the grocery store to pick up milk and a couple of other things we were out of. It was white knuckle driving the whole way home because of the black ice and blowing snow. When I walked in the house I found a sink full of dirty dishes and a note on the door that says "Sorry forgot the dog food, guess I'm a bad husband". My husband is asleep because he has to be at work at 7 am. So there is no chance of him planning on doing any of these things in the morning.
Forgetting the dog food is one thing. Being at home from 4 pm until 10 pm when the pet stores close and not going to get any food is another thing. Not sending me a text message or an e-mail is an even bigger thing since tomorrow I will likely have to drive in a blizzard with several inches of snow on the ground. That's why I picked up the necessities tonight in case we got snowed in. But that's not his problem. I'll go to the pet store tomorrow and get their food. I'll deal with whatever digestive issues they might have from eating a different diet for the past couple meals. I'll get dog food in the morning and then come home to make sure it's here before I leave for work and another late night of meetings. As always, it will be my problem to deal with and not his.
My husband and I have had this argument before so I'm not even going to deal with it. What usually happens is that I get upset that he forgot something or that he isn't helping out. Then he reminds me of how physical his job his and how easy mine is. So then the implication is that I should do more because I have more free time. That he needs more time to decompress after work because of how demanding his job is. Then I usually get the "You know I'm not a dog person/I told you if we got another dog I wasn't going to pitch in more" speech. Then I usually remind him that I'm only asking him to take an hour out of the five hours that he spent on the couch to help out. This sort of passive-aggressive argument goes on for about an hour until we are both sick of it. Then we have an awkward truce where we watch TV and go to bed still frustrated. There might be an apology the next morning or more discomfort but there is never any resolution.
So what tends to happen next is that I become even more obsessive compulsive about making sure everything gets done. I am already a control freak but after one of these incidents I feel like if I don't do it, it won't get done. Then my husband gets frustrated with me for second guessing him all the time. Eventually I let my guard down and ask him to do something and the whole cycle starts all over again.
Tomorrow morning my husband will be all kissy face and act like nothing has happened. I will spend the night tossing and turning and having an argument with him in my head. I might be short with him in the morning but he either won't notice or we'll have an argument about it. Then I'll spend the day stewing every time I do something that he could've done while he was home.
I think the worst part of it is the expectation that he was going to do something. At least when I was single I knew that it was all on my plate and I never relied on anyone to help me out with anything. Marriage gives you the false impression that you have a partner in all aspects of life but that's not the case at all. You have more help in some areas and less help, but more work, in others. What I'd really like to do is go upstairs and take a bath to relax after this long day but I can't because the dogs would run upstairs and play and wake up my husband. So I'll just sit down here and stew because I'm being considerate of his needs even though he clearly doesn't return the favor. F that. I'm taking bath and turning on some relaxing music.
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