Daydreaming My Problems Away

When I was younger I always daydreamed my life away. I would imagine myself married to famous people or in a compromising position with that guy I had a crush on. I would play the martyr to the people who I wanted to like me but who in real life paid no attention to me or made fun of me. My parents, strangers, celebrities, everyone admired and adored me in my daydreams.

My daydreaming contributed to my sleep problems because when I got in bed I would pick up where I had left off the previous night and spend hours spinning these fantastic tales in my head rather than sleeping. Sometimes I would write down these stories but they never seemed as fantastic on paper as they were in my mind. Recently these daydreams have returned to me.

I think that I daydreamed so much when I was younger because I was escaping from the reality of the drama in my life or creating a life in times when I was bored or in a rut. I'm not sure which of these applies now. I have found local success as a Zumba instructor which has added a whole new group of friends and social activities to my life. I continue to be active in meetup groups and have formed friendships with people there. I have been promoted at work to the job that I always wanted but wasn't sure I could get. So whats the problem?

I have two dogs that I love dearly but who have a lot of behavioral problems which drive me crazy. I can only walk my dogs in my neighborhood at certain times of day because so many people in my neighborhood let their dogs run offleash which makes the walks very dangerous and stressful for me and the dogs. There is also a lot of vehicle traffic in my neighborhood where people driving twice the speed limit on the main roads and run stop signs and take blind turns at high speeds regularly. The police are aware of the problem and have officers posted but after 15 minutes all the cops have met their ticket quota and leave the neighborhood until the next time a neighbor complains. I know this is not a problem that will go away. I feel like I'm dodging one problem or another everytime I walk out of my house.

We have a large fenced in yard but on two sides we have neighbors who also have dogs that enjoy fence fighting with our dogs. We take our dogs out on leashes when these dogs are out because the dog's excitement level gets too high if they are allowed to meet the other dogs at the fence. Another neighbor is a grandmother who watches her grandchildren. The grandmother stays in the house while the grandchildren play in the yard. The children stand by the fence and poke their fingers through the holes to taunt my dogs and actually bark and make noise to try to attract the dogs. I try to avoid them as well.

I know that everytime I walk out the door I am carrying the stress of dealing with any one of these problems. I know that affects my dogs; that they sense my apprehension. But I would tell anyone who asked me that the key to any dogs behavioral problems starts with making sure the dog gets enough exercise. I feel like a hypocrite because I know my dogs aren't getting enough.

My flexible work schedule and my husband's regimented work schedule makes this problem even more difficult. When he is available to help me with the dogs we are usually not comfortable taking the dogs out for long periods of time due to the external stresses. The dog's behavioral problems makes it difficult for me to walk the dogs alone unless I wake up early in the morning and drive to a nearby neighborhood with sidewalks and less distractions. In order to do this, I must fall asleep at a reasonable time so that I can wake up early.

Last night I couldn't stop my brain from daydreaming so I spent 2 hours in bed not sleeping. Then I got 4 hours of choppy sleep over the next 5 hours. I got out of bed at 7:30 am. Way too late to take the dogs out for a long walk. I feel exhausted because I didn't get any sleep and disappointed in myself because I didn't exercise the dogs. I am irritable towards my husband on mornings like this. I take the simplest acts, him watching TV the moment he gets out of bed, the wrong way because I am dealing with two dogs that are wound up and misbehaving before he wakes up and there is no break from this stress after he wakes up.

The dog behavioral problem has also taken a toll on our intimacy. With pets it is difficult to find alone time no matter how well behaved they are but it is even more difficult with misbehaving pets. So not only am I wound up because of the dog and sleep problems but I don't have the great stress relief that our intimacy used to provide.

I'm not sure if there is one solution to all of these problems but I know that I need to find a better escape from my problems than daydreaming. I need to make a commitment to taking better care of my dogs, myself and my relationship. But I know that is much easier to write than to implement.

Lucy, I'm Home

I remember thinking how strange it was that Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds as a kid. It seems like a lot of old sitcoms had married couples sleeping in the same room but in different beds. This seemed completely insane to me....until I met my husband.

My husband occasionally has to work an early/late shift. Sometimes he has to be at work by 4 am. Other days he might not leave for work until 5 pm and will return in the wee hours of the morning. My husband is a very heavy sleeper and a big snorer. He could fall asleep during an earthquake. Noise, light, television, etc. Nothing bothers him.

I am a very light sleeper. I set my own work schedule but I try to get up at the same time every day so that the pets and I are on a routine. I have been an insomniac for as long as I can remember. While some white noise seems to help me sleep, too much keeps me awake. The dogs and cat and my husband frequently wake me up during the night with very insignificant noises and movements that most people can sleep through. I have tried sleeping pills, teas, warm milk, etc and nothing has worked for me.

Initially, my husband and I only slept apart when he had to work an odd schedule. Then when our old shepherd starting having mobility problems and couldn't walk upstairs I started sleeping downstairs with him regularly. Sometimes when I was sleeping with my husband I would have problems falling asleep that were remedied by me moving into the guest room. Over the past few months, this sleeping arrangement has become our permanent routine.

At first I was embarrassed that we didn't sleep together and then I found out that a lot of people our age were doing the same thing. We never go to bed or wake up at the same time so it's not like we miss anything from not being in the same bed other than lying next to each other. When we do sleep together my husband is completely unaware of when I get in/out of bed because he sleeps through the whole thing. We do have plenty of cuddle time where we talk, relax, etc. but this time has never been part of our bedtime routine.

We have friends that have completely separate bedrooms in their house. They have been together for several years but never even entertained the thought of sharing space. They have a child and seem to be pretty happy together despite, or maybe because of, the sleeping situation. I even heard on Oprah the other day that home builders are putting two master bedrooms in new houses because so many couples are sleeping separately. I don't think I would ever go this far because I enjoy sharing space when my husband when I'm awake but if it works for other people, good for them.

We are currently saving up to buy a king-sized sleep number bed so that we can see if that will allow us to sleep together without disturbing each other. I am also going to go to a sleep center to try to work on my insomnia. But if it doesn't work out I'm pretty comfortable with the arrangement that we have now because our sleeping arrangement is not due to friction in our marriage. And really, we seem to enjoy our awake time a lot more when we've both had a good night of sleep.

Insomniac Cafe

I have never been much of a sleeper. Even as a child, I had problems sleeping for more than a few hours at a time. I think I can blame half of it on situations that I have been placed in and the other half on bad genes.

My father was diagnosed with MS when I was 1 year old. At a very young age I realized that this disease was going to kill him at an early age. We had nurses in our house all the time and made several scheduled and emergency visits to the hospital. As his disease progressed, he became more dependent on my mother and I to take care of him. I remember several times when my mother woke me up in the middle of the night to call 911 or to wake my brother up so we could go to the hospital. Eventually, I became paranoid that I was going to wake up one morning and find my father dead. So pushing these thoughts out of my head so I could sleep became increasingly difficult over the years. I started keeping a journal when I was 5 which helped me cope with the stresses of having a chronically ill father and all that came along with it but it didn't alleviate my sleep problems.

I was always a hyperactive child. Maybe if my parents had enrolled me in more activities I would have had an outlet for my energy and started to sleep. But my mother worked full time and had to deal with the stress of raising my brother and I and having a chronically ill husband so she just didn't notice. I had tons of books, a TV and a phone in my room and enough toys to keep my occupied all night while my parents slept. My brother and my mother attended therapy religiously for most of my childhood so I'm not sure why professional help was never sought out for my sleeping problems. I suspect that because my insomnia didn't lead to serious behavior problems, like my brother had, she didn't feel it was that big of a deal.

Very early on my lack of sleep helped me develop a strange cult following. At every sleep over, camping trip, school trip, I was the last one asleep and the first one awake. I liked this attention a lot because I was very insecure and wanted everyone to like me. I found myself obsessing over maintaining this trend. I don't think I intentionally didn't sleep but by worrying about maintaining this image I definitely made the problem worse.

By the time I went away to college at 18, I was a severe insomniac. Sometimes I would struggle to get 2 hours of a sleep a night. My mother got me these herbal sleeping pills that she heard were very effective but they didn't work for me. I went from the minimum recommended dose of 2 pills per night to an unhealthy 8 pills a night and still couldn't sleep. My insomnia allowed me to be very active in sports and clubs in college in addition to carrying my major and two minors and partying every night. It was probably the most unhealthy time of my life.

In 2001 I became a homeowner for the first time, one year after I got my first real job after college. Within 2 weeks I had adopted a wonderful German shepherd from the local Humane Society. The Humane Society suspected that Chale (pronounced like Charlie without the R) had been thrown out by a local breeder because of his obvious hip displaysia. He was 45 pounds and about nine months old when they picked him up as a stray. I grew up with a German shepherd (Rin Tin Tin, I know not original) who lived to the ripe old age of 12. He had hip displaysia and still managed to live a full and wonderful life so I knew Chale wouldn't be that much of a challenge.

Three years later my wonderful dog and I had settled into a nice routine. He was a healthy 85 lbs and the frequent target of rough play from my 6 year old tabby cat Tiger. One morning when I was walking Chale he started having a seizure. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. He was diagnosed with epilepsy and put on medication. Occasionally I would come home from work and find evidence that he had a seizure while I was gone. I felt very guilty when I left the house because I feared he might be dead when I got home. Very quickly I noticed a pattern with his seizures and was able to anticipate when they would happen within a few days of the actual date.

He usually had seizures very early in the morning or late at night. The seizures were very loud and woke me up violently whenever they happened. I would get up several times a night whenever Chale rolled over or did the normal things a dog does at night because I was terrified that he was having a seizure. Luckily, I have been blessed with having "dog people" as bosses at work and they allowed me to use my sick time to stay home with Chale on particularly difficult days. I can't count the number of times I fell asleep next to him on his dog bed or in the corner of the room on the floor. I usually passed out from exhaustion and woke up dazed and not completely sure how I ended up where I was.

Through years of trial and error and trying several traditional and alternative treatments, I am happy to say that Chale has been seizure free for over a year now. But that hasn't helped my sleep deprivation problems. I still jump out of bed every time he moves. My husband (who joined our crazy household in 2006) is very good at telling me "He's okay.", "He's just dreaming"; etc. when I jump out of bed but I can't undo these nervous habits that I have developed.

I have turned Chale into a bit of an insomniac as well. He is so used to getting up early with me that he gets up in the middle of the night expecting to watch a movie or go outside because that is what we had done for years when he was really sick. This morning I got the "doggy stare" at 2:45 am. Chale (now a thick 110 lbs due to the seizure medicine) is sitting at my feet as I click away like we have done on so many other mornings. Unlike him I don't get to sleep on the couch all day to make up for the interruption in sleep.

As I have gotten older I learned that my mother cannot sleep without the TV. The only way she can push all the stressful thoughts out of her head is to fill it with All in the Family re-runs until she passes out. I have also learned that my mother's side of the family has a history of metabolic disorders that can cause sleep problems. I have been tested for everything and haven't been diagnosed with anything that requires medical treatment. I have been told that I have a couple of "syndromes", which have no treatment but have many of the same symptoms as the full blown diseases that they could develop into as I get older. This, of course is no consolation to me.

I have not given up hope and will continue to try different alternative treatments that I have read about in magazines and on the Internet but I suspect that I will suffer from these problems for another 33 years.