Country Dogs and Outdoor Cats

I'm so sick of people being ignorant, lazy pet owners and then writing it off to having an outdoor pet or living in the country. Most of the people who I have encountered who use these excuses should not own pets. They should have fish or wall art. All they want is something that looks pretty and that they can show off to their friends but they don't want to provide any of the love, training or stability that a pet needs and a real pet owner provides.

One of my coworkers lives in a ritzy neighborhood where everyone has a couple acres of land. He drives a BMW and has a lawn service take care of his yard. His wife works part time. He has two college age children who do not live at home. He has a young lab mix who lives outside. He keeps him chained up under the porch when they aren't home and let's him run lose at night. His dog is often found at his neighbors house or somewhere else in the neighborhood. I asked him if he walked the dog and he said the dog is terrible on the leash and drags him everywhere. Imagine that, a dog that doesn't get any exercise or socialization and gets to run free without supervision doesn't walk well on a leash. Then I asked him what he does in the winter (here in upstate NY we get 140-200" of snow and the temperatures go well below zero). He said the dog has a doghouse on the porch to keep him warm. He can't being the dog in the house because the dog is too hyper and gets into everything and besides he likes being outside and doesn't want to come into the house; he's a country dog. Unfortunately, I'm sure this dog will eventually hurt some one's child or pet, or worse yet, get hit by a car. The dog will be written off as untrainable and my co-worker will get another dog (this isn't his first dog), never thinking that the dogs behavioral problems or short life had anything to do with the poor job him and his family did of raising the dog.

My husband's aunt recently told us that her neighbor's dog killed a small child in the neighborhood. She said "that's the price of living in the country" and went on to the next topic as if she were talking about they weather. She lives in a rural area outside of a college town. While I would consider this area to be the country, most of the people who live there are college professors and other high-level professionals who do not live a "country life". People's dogs and cats run around the roads all the time and definitely do not get any training or socialization. It is difficult to differentiate between strays and pets since they are all treated with the same level of indifference. Food and water are left outside. Pets are rarely brought into the house and usually have short, difficult lives. I do not enjoy going to her house. I feel like I am watching some bad after school special put together by the ASPCA. I feel completely helpless and sad every time we visit her. I am surrounded by animals that are in need that I cannot help and ignorant people that I cannot change.

In my suburban neighborhood I see more loose dogs and cats than leashed/contained ones. I do not live in the country. I have friends that live in downtown Syracuse who complain about the $2000+ they have spent on injuries to their "outdoor cat". When I asked why they had an outdoor cat in the city I was told that the wife grew up in suburban California (once again not the country) and that every one's cats were outdoor cats. I give up.

If people blatantly neglected their children as much as they do their pets it would be a national crisis. There would be public service announcements and campaigns to end the neglect. But because it seems to have become fashionable to have pets as an accessory. To have your dog sit in your purse during the 4 hours that you're at the bowling alley. To have him sitting in the car in the parking lot while you spend hours shopping. Because that's what the dog wants; because he wants to be with you all the time. I have heard of animal rescue groups that do not allow these sort of people to adopt dogs. Unfortunately there will never be a shortage of pet store puppy mills for these people to get an expendable pet. This is not a problem that will end in my life time, if ever, and that is depressing.

Staying on the Wagon

I envy people who have the will power to change a bad habit and stick to their program. When I did Nutrisystem a couple years ago I was very dedicated for 2 months. I had a couple days a week where I ate whatever I wanted but outside of that I stuck to the program. I managed to lose 15 lbs and felt great. But once I went off Nutrisystem, I went back to my old eating habits and put the weight back on plus a few extra pounds.

I love food. I'm sure there is an emotional component to my eating but I genuinely enjoy the way food tastes. I watch all these weight loss shows and there always seems to be a traumatic event that triggered the person being overweight. I had a stressful child hood but I have always eaten an obscene amount of food; I don't think there was one event that put me over the edge. Even when I was kid I was known to my friends and family as the person who could put food away. Maybe that's it, just the attention that I get from eating.

People that I have known for a long time seem to be obsessed with what I'm eating. If I'm eating healthy they tease and ask me if I'm on a diet. If I'm gorging myself there is an equal amount of negative attention. Eating a grilled chicken salad just isn't as enjoyable as getting a big juicy burger but people rarely comment when I order the really unhealthy stuff. I know I could never be on Nutrisystem or a program like that for the rest of my life but I wonder if I would have stayed on it longer if my body would have gotten used to eating less food.

I know that portion control is a big part of it. I know that a small fry from McDonald's is just as delicious as a large fry but somewhere in my brain there is a switch that tells me I'm not going to be satisfied if I don't get the largest size. There are days when I make good choices all day and then gorge myself for dinner. I am out of town for work this week and find myself feeling sick because I ate too much or falling asleep during meetings because of the food coma.

I try to remind myself of the Kate Moss quote "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" but my brain doesn't really believe it. I want to be one of those people that makes a life style change. I want to have a handle on my eating habits before I turn 35 this summer. I have a number of minor health problems that are either 100% caused by or totally aggravated by me being overweight.

I'd like to think that the self esteem boost that I would get from developing self control and being fit would be enough motivation for me but it hasn't been in the past. I will move forward and try to be better in the future and not harp on the past but it is much easier said than done.

The Fit Fat Girl

I have prided myself on defying people's assumptions about what a fit person looked like. But, as my waist line has expanded, I recognize that at this point I'm not being honest with myself. It's one thing to be a thick size 12 (like I once was) but I'm not that girl any more. A lot of people treat me like I'm still that girl but all that does is feed my ego and allow me to keep lying to myself.

I get offended when people assume that I'm a walker instead of a runner because of my size but realistically I'm not the picture of fitness and health right now. As I get more involved in Zumba, I love seeing instructors of all shapes and sizes. I recognize that these people are athletes and that they are fit because they're spending several hours a week teaching. But I also recognize that these people aren't as healthy as they could be.

I'm not ever going to be a skinny girl and I wouldn't want to be. But I would love to be that thick size 12 again. I want to get rid of my belly and tone up my body. I haven't been able to run as much during the past few months because I've been having so many joint problems. I know these joint problems are a direct result of my weight gain.

I am currently sitting in a hotel room 5 hours away from home. I have another day of meetings and catered meals ahead of me. I chose to hang out with my co-workers last night and enjoy dinner and drinks on the boss instead of working out. Today is looking like more of the same. I'm feeling pretty gluttonous right now.

My goal is to learn to not over-do the unlimited food and drink that comes with this job and to make time to get my fitness in even when I'm traveling. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to push myself harder because I know what I'm capable of when I commit to something.

Daydreaming My Problems Away

When I was younger I always daydreamed my life away. I would imagine myself married to famous people or in a compromising position with that guy I had a crush on. I would play the martyr to the people who I wanted to like me but who in real life paid no attention to me or made fun of me. My parents, strangers, celebrities, everyone admired and adored me in my daydreams.

My daydreaming contributed to my sleep problems because when I got in bed I would pick up where I had left off the previous night and spend hours spinning these fantastic tales in my head rather than sleeping. Sometimes I would write down these stories but they never seemed as fantastic on paper as they were in my mind. Recently these daydreams have returned to me.

I think that I daydreamed so much when I was younger because I was escaping from the reality of the drama in my life or creating a life in times when I was bored or in a rut. I'm not sure which of these applies now. I have found local success as a Zumba instructor which has added a whole new group of friends and social activities to my life. I continue to be active in meetup groups and have formed friendships with people there. I have been promoted at work to the job that I always wanted but wasn't sure I could get. So whats the problem?

I have two dogs that I love dearly but who have a lot of behavioral problems which drive me crazy. I can only walk my dogs in my neighborhood at certain times of day because so many people in my neighborhood let their dogs run offleash which makes the walks very dangerous and stressful for me and the dogs. There is also a lot of vehicle traffic in my neighborhood where people driving twice the speed limit on the main roads and run stop signs and take blind turns at high speeds regularly. The police are aware of the problem and have officers posted but after 15 minutes all the cops have met their ticket quota and leave the neighborhood until the next time a neighbor complains. I know this is not a problem that will go away. I feel like I'm dodging one problem or another everytime I walk out of my house.

We have a large fenced in yard but on two sides we have neighbors who also have dogs that enjoy fence fighting with our dogs. We take our dogs out on leashes when these dogs are out because the dog's excitement level gets too high if they are allowed to meet the other dogs at the fence. Another neighbor is a grandmother who watches her grandchildren. The grandmother stays in the house while the grandchildren play in the yard. The children stand by the fence and poke their fingers through the holes to taunt my dogs and actually bark and make noise to try to attract the dogs. I try to avoid them as well.

I know that everytime I walk out the door I am carrying the stress of dealing with any one of these problems. I know that affects my dogs; that they sense my apprehension. But I would tell anyone who asked me that the key to any dogs behavioral problems starts with making sure the dog gets enough exercise. I feel like a hypocrite because I know my dogs aren't getting enough.

My flexible work schedule and my husband's regimented work schedule makes this problem even more difficult. When he is available to help me with the dogs we are usually not comfortable taking the dogs out for long periods of time due to the external stresses. The dog's behavioral problems makes it difficult for me to walk the dogs alone unless I wake up early in the morning and drive to a nearby neighborhood with sidewalks and less distractions. In order to do this, I must fall asleep at a reasonable time so that I can wake up early.

Last night I couldn't stop my brain from daydreaming so I spent 2 hours in bed not sleeping. Then I got 4 hours of choppy sleep over the next 5 hours. I got out of bed at 7:30 am. Way too late to take the dogs out for a long walk. I feel exhausted because I didn't get any sleep and disappointed in myself because I didn't exercise the dogs. I am irritable towards my husband on mornings like this. I take the simplest acts, him watching TV the moment he gets out of bed, the wrong way because I am dealing with two dogs that are wound up and misbehaving before he wakes up and there is no break from this stress after he wakes up.

The dog behavioral problem has also taken a toll on our intimacy. With pets it is difficult to find alone time no matter how well behaved they are but it is even more difficult with misbehaving pets. So not only am I wound up because of the dog and sleep problems but I don't have the great stress relief that our intimacy used to provide.

I'm not sure if there is one solution to all of these problems but I know that I need to find a better escape from my problems than daydreaming. I need to make a commitment to taking better care of my dogs, myself and my relationship. But I know that is much easier to write than to implement.

Me and My Health

Last January at my annual physical the nurse mentioned that my blood pressure was elevated. She said it could be the stress of coming to the doctor but that I should look at it.

In September I had a really bad sinus infection. When the doctor took my vital signs she told me that my blood pressure was a little high and that I should keep an eye on it. She said it could be the medicine the allergy medicine that I was taking but, with my family history of diabetes and hypertension, I should be careful about what I take. This freaked me out. I figured that two warnings was all I needed. I bought a blood pressure cuff so I could measure my readings at home and track my progress as I lost weight.

The findings weren't great. My blood pressure was as high as 145/103 which definitely put me in the hypertensive category. My husband has a similar family history as mine and started tracking his readings as well. His blood pressure wasn't as high as mine but it was definitely wasn't ideal.

My husband and I do not work out consistently. There have been times, when training for a big race, when we run 25-20 miles in a week. We have also gone several weeks without running or going to the gym. Consistency is our biggest problem. I often worry that we won't get serious about our health until one of develops diabetes or heart disease.

In the past 11 weeks I have lost 8 pounds. I didn't get really serious about working out until 3-4 weeks ago when I was preparing to teach zumba. I haven't run at all during this time because of some nagging knee and ankle problems but today I got my new running shoes in the mail and I plan to hit the treadmill either tonight or tomorrow. I also will start lifting weights again so I'm not so prone to injury. Getting back into doing yoga regularly will also help with my injuries.

My husband has lost 6 pounds during this same time period. He hasn't worked out much during this time but he has gotten better about not letting himself indulge in all the junk food that is available to him at work. He plans to cut back on his work hours (from 40 hours to 32 hours) for the next month so he can figure out ways to fit working out and studying into his schedule. I am confident that once he establishes a routine he will be able to maintain it. Before we got together, my husband worked 50-60 hours a week and still found time to run after work three times a week. No, he didn't have a wife, two dogs and a cat at that time but he was married to drinking at the bars with his friends...

Since I've been tracking my blood pressure I was prepared to leave the doctor's office today with a prescription to help reduce my blood pressure. Imagine my surprise when the nurse told me my blood pressure was 110/68 (perfect) and that the wrist blood pressure cuff that we were using was completely inaccurate. Part of me is aggravated that we spent money on such a piece of crap. At the same time I don't know if I would have jumped back into fitness with such enthusiasm if I didn't think I was on the fast track to hypertension like the rest of my family.

The doctor gave me a referral to see a dietitian to help me plan my meals better and with a sleep specialist to try to get me into a better sleep pattern which could be contributing to my inactive metabolism. I am looking to teach Zumba 5 days a week and get back to being the serious athlete that I once was. I want my husband and I to be that fit couple that we always envy.

Finding Myself

Just a few months ago I was in a rut. I was lonely and depressed. I felt like my life had no direction. I wrote my own little manifesto titled The Dream.
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/08/dream.html

In this blog I laid out what I wanted my life to include and brainstormed about how I was going to achieve those goals. In September I took a big step towards achieving one of those dreams when I became a certified Zumba instructor.
http://onehappybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/zumba.html

Since becoming certified I have attended several Zumba events that I never would have attended on my own before. I have put myself out there in a way that I haven't done in a while. I sent out a number of resumes to different gyms in the area. In late December I was offered a job teaching 2 days a week at a local gym. I started teaching the first week of January. I can't tell you how nervous I was teaching that first day but I was also excited beyond belief.

All my fears went away after class when people came up to me telling me what a great class it was. One woman even hugged me and thanked me for such a good workout. I think the best moment of the class me came when a woman walked up to me and told me that her goal was to get down to my size. Even though I am not at my ideal weight, when people look at me they aren't seeing someone who is 50 lbs overweight. They are seeing an energetic fitness instructor.

My overall attitude has changed so much since I started teaching. I am more positive in other aspects of my life. I don't dwell on the negative as much. My social life through Zumba and my participation in meetup groups has also changed for the better. Maybe it's because I'm more approachable now or maybe it was inevitable after almost a year of attending meetup events and meeting other Zumba instructors.

I am still very much a work in progress but I am loving the progress that I am making!

Don't Ask Don't Tell

So it looks like the US is set to overturn the highly controversial Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy that was made law in 1993. I distinctly remember being a junior in high school and not understanding why the policy was necessary. Did people think that gay people hadn't served in the military before? Why why this policy suddenly needed? Everyone in the military has served with gay people, whether they were out or not, did they think that there would be less gay people because of the policy?

The only thing the policy did was reinforce that gay people were less than straight people in this country. That it was OK to be gay if you hid it. That when a bigot killed a person they suspected of being gay it was that person's fault for acting gay. If you have a problem with gay people then you are the one who should be punished and kicked out of the military. By kicking gay people out because ignorant people were uncomfortable with their presence you are telling gay people that they will be held accountable for the stupidity of others. That we can't expect people to be tolerant of people that are different from them.

The arguments from the people who didn't want the policy repealed are very similar to the arguments against letting blacks and women having equal rights. There are still people who kill people because of race and sex but we don't tell the victims it's their fault for being being black or female. We shouldn't prevent people from living free lives because it might make some people uncomfortable. There are people who stare at my husband and I when we hold hands. People who are blatantly rude simply because we are an interracial couple. It bothers me that these people exist but it doesn't make me let go of my husbands hand.

About an hour north of Syracuse, is Fort Drum Army base. This morning they interviewed three different people who lived at the base to get their opinion of the policy. They picked three people who represented the most ignorant arguments that I have heard against overturning the policy. New York is a very liberal state, particularly upstate New York where I live. It was distressing that the three people that they chose don't properly represent this state.

The first person was an older veteran. He had a long beard, a leather vest and a bandanna (very biker look). He said that when he was in the military there were homosexuals and those people got sent to the hospital; that's just how things went sometimes. I'm happy that this person is too old to serve in the military. But you know that person, and people like him, raise ignorant kids who have the same views or disown their kids when they come out to them. It wouldn't be a surprise if this person wore a sheet on the weekend and burned crosses in front of people's houses.

The second person was in his early 20's and he said that he didn't believe in "it" because that's how he was raised. OK, so you are against homosexuality as a lifestyle. What does that have to do with some one's ability to serve in the military? That person isn't going to stop being gay just because they aren't in the military. Gay people are still going to exist. You cannot force the entire country to live life based on your personal religious or moral bigotry.

The third person was also in his early 20's and he said that he was okay with it as long as "they" didn't hit on him. That's right because every gay person hits on every straight person. Because gay people are obsessed with having sex and cannot control themselves when they are around people of the same sex. Because when you're hunkered down in a foxhole with someone trying to avoid enemy fire their only focus is on getting into your pants. Don't flatter yourself.

When I was in college there was a big deal made of a woman trying to join the Citadel. The administrators at the southern, military school said that she would be a distraction to the other cadets. That they could not guarantee her safety and that their facilities were not set up to accommodate women. In the end she won her lawsuit and opened up the Citadel to women. She didn't graduate because the harassment was too much for her to handle. But many other women have gone on to attend and graduate from the Citadel.

A woman attending the Citadel is not longer such a novelty. Future generations won't be able to imagine not serving next to female class mates. I hope that is how we look back on gays in the military. That we think of the 17 years when we kicked 13,500+ people out of the military simply for being suspected of being gay as a dark time in this country's history. That it is grouped together with other major civil rights milestones.