Staying on the Wagon

I envy people who have the will power to change a bad habit and stick to their program. When I did Nutrisystem a couple years ago I was very dedicated for 2 months. I had a couple days a week where I ate whatever I wanted but outside of that I stuck to the program. I managed to lose 15 lbs and felt great. But once I went off Nutrisystem, I went back to my old eating habits and put the weight back on plus a few extra pounds.

I love food. I'm sure there is an emotional component to my eating but I genuinely enjoy the way food tastes. I watch all these weight loss shows and there always seems to be a traumatic event that triggered the person being overweight. I had a stressful child hood but I have always eaten an obscene amount of food; I don't think there was one event that put me over the edge. Even when I was kid I was known to my friends and family as the person who could put food away. Maybe that's it, just the attention that I get from eating.

People that I have known for a long time seem to be obsessed with what I'm eating. If I'm eating healthy they tease and ask me if I'm on a diet. If I'm gorging myself there is an equal amount of negative attention. Eating a grilled chicken salad just isn't as enjoyable as getting a big juicy burger but people rarely comment when I order the really unhealthy stuff. I know I could never be on Nutrisystem or a program like that for the rest of my life but I wonder if I would have stayed on it longer if my body would have gotten used to eating less food.

I know that portion control is a big part of it. I know that a small fry from McDonald's is just as delicious as a large fry but somewhere in my brain there is a switch that tells me I'm not going to be satisfied if I don't get the largest size. There are days when I make good choices all day and then gorge myself for dinner. I am out of town for work this week and find myself feeling sick because I ate too much or falling asleep during meetings because of the food coma.

I try to remind myself of the Kate Moss quote "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" but my brain doesn't really believe it. I want to be one of those people that makes a life style change. I want to have a handle on my eating habits before I turn 35 this summer. I have a number of minor health problems that are either 100% caused by or totally aggravated by me being overweight.

I'd like to think that the self esteem boost that I would get from developing self control and being fit would be enough motivation for me but it hasn't been in the past. I will move forward and try to be better in the future and not harp on the past but it is much easier said than done.