Thursday, April 3, 2014

Couples Therapy

I always viewed people who went to therapy as weak.  Well that's not completely true, people in my family who went to therapy.  Therapy seemed to enable my mom to keep hitting us and justified her not having a maternal bone in her body.  It didn't prevent my brother from being destructive and suicidal.  And it didn't make my father any less angry about having MS.  Sure I didn't cope with any of life's issues well myself but I coped better than they did and I didn't have the benefit of years of therapy. 

So imagine my surprise when I was the one who suggested that my husband and I go to couple's therapy.  After seeing so many of our friends go through divorce I didn't want us to be next.  We weren't in crisis.  There is no infidelity. There are just the same lingering issues that have been there for our entire relationship.  The problem is they aren't getting better and no matter how minor, issues that go unresolved turn into problems.  

We had our first therapy session yesterday and it went well.  In one hour we communicated better about things that we normal spin our wheels on for weeks.  There was no anger.  No resentment.  No fighting.  It was just a great space for us to be honest and talk about what we needed from each other and what we wanted from our relationship.  

Do I think we're weak for going to therapy?  No, not at all.  Am I ashamed that we're under 40 and already in therapy?  No, because I have no plans to be divorced before we hit our 10 year anniversary.  Maybe if a few of my friends had sought out therapy they would have found a way to make their relationship work.  I don't know.  Either way, I'm all in for weekly therapy and I'm feeling pretty strong about the whole thing.  


  1. Hi Denise,

    I'm really glad that therapy is helping you and your husband. I'm sorry you've been through so much. It's interesting that unresolved issues can fester and damage relationships -- it's a learning point, I've found.

    I've never seen observations in therapy as validating bad behaviour, but cultivating better behaviour or at least an understanding of the roots of it that can lead to positive changes.

    Thank you for your honesty. Please keep us posted and best wishes.

    Until next time,


  2. Thanks Ashley. I have definitely seen the positive effects of therapy on some people. Just like anything, they can't all be success stories.