Monday, August 23, 2010

Where is that Wagon?

So in the past month, I've put down my dog, lost my grandmother and lost another acquaintance to suicide. Before this happened, I had already fallen off the health and fitness wagon when I was a bridesmaid in yet another wedding. But throughout all of this tragedy, I have really let myself go.

I am torn between being one of those crazy chicks that works out all the time and can eat whatever she wants (I used to be her) and making serious changes to my diet so that moderate exercise will be enough to keep me at a healthy weight (did that with nutrisystem for a couple months). Yet another death by diabetes in my family reminded me that while I'm relatively healthy now, I'm obese and at risk for getting really sick if I don't stop this before I get completely out of control.

I would like to find a happy balance between psycho workout chick and rabbit food but I'm not sure if it exists to me. I've always been an all or nothing girl and pushed myself to unbelievable limits when I was feeling healthy or wallowed in self pity for weeks when I wasn't. When I have sought out professional help in the past, I have faced horrible doctors who made me feel even worse about myself.

Of course I know there are great doctors out there and that I could have found another specialist who might have helped me. But in true me fashion I wrote off getting any professional help because of how crappy the help was when I tried in the past.

My husband is very supportive of me and wants me to get fit. He also has a family history of diabetes and admits that he could probably stand to lose a few pounds as well. But he is 6'4" tall and is in pretty good shape. 30 extra pounds on him doesn't really show that much. On me, it's my size 16 pants which were too tight for me this morning but fit great last year.

I have been lucky that I have maintained a lot of my muscle tone because of how much I worked out in the past. I don't even want to think about how fat I would be if this were not the case.

I think I'm at the point where I need to give myself an ultimatum: get your shit together by this date and if you don't see a change, you need help. I've told this to my husband and he agrees. So now I'm just trying to figure out exactly what my plan is so I can pull it all together. I need something of a regimented schedule but not too strict. I need a reward system in place but it has to be for little accomplishments and not just the big ones. I think I'm just going to have to try to figure this out as I go along.

I don't want to put something on paper without really thinking about what I want to achieve in the end. Another post is coming once I figure all this out...


  1. Stupid doctors!
    Give yourself a break and put the 'all or nothing girl' into the naughty corner. Be nice to yourself.

    If you completely deprive yourself of the foods you enjoy most, you'll get bored and run the risk of going back to your old eating habits.
    Pick one day a week where you can eat whatever you want! (This is very important and helps prevent burnout) Just be sure to not overdo it ;)

    You should also be eating more meals, more often because digestion actually helps boost your metabolism. (Be sure you're eating the rights kinds of foods. No rabbit food, though, because we do need some carbs and some fat in our bodies. They aren't as bad for you if you consume them in moderation).

    Ugh, I hate exercising. So you won't see me overdoing it :)

    Thirty to forty-five minutes a day, three or five days a week is sufficient to acquire health benefits.

    Take one step at a time and you will find your balance.

  2. Thanks DDG. I'm better with my eating habits than I used to be but I still could improve. I love both food and exercise so I need to find a healthy balance of both! But no worries, I'm still going to eat donuts.