Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My body is telling me something

When I started Nutrisystem 10 weeks ago I mainly did it to lose the weight that I have gained over the past few years and get my metabolism back in order. I wasn't really expecting to make huge diet or lifestyle changes long term. I figured that I had eaten crap for years when I was thinner and that once I got back to a healthy weight, as long as I stayed active, I would be able to go back to eating what I wanted. Boy was I wrong.

During the past week and a half I have fallen off my diet a little. Between having a friend in town visiting and my birthday I have been eating a lot of crap and not working out as much. The good news is that I have only put on half a pound of the 13.5 that I had lost. The bad news is that I have felt so noxious after eating the crappy food that I can't imagine I will want to eat it
in the future.

Chinese Buffet, Red Lobster, Pizza Hut and my favorite local Mexican restaurant have all left me feeling pretty nasty after eating there recently. I didn't eat as much as I would have eaten in the past but it was obviously quite a shock to my system compared to the 1800 calorie days with balanced meals that my body is becoming accustomed to. I am definitely one of those people who lives to eat and not the other way around. I celebrate with food, I wallow in self pity with food, etc. No matter how I'm feeling, there is generally a meal that I can choose that will meet my mood.

So if I feel better after eating a salad and half a plate of seafood pasta at Red Lobster instead of the Admiral's Feast that I used to get then maybe that's what I start ordering. Maybe I need to go for a run when I've had a bad day instead of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Maybe I should buy a new pair of shows to celebrate rather than a heavy dinner at my favorite greasy spoon.

Is it strange that I am sad to lose this part of my persona? It's almost like I've become known as the girl who eats a lot. All of my friends and family socialize with food. Granted, a lot of them are seriously overweight and suffering from diabetes and other weight-related issues but I feel like there is some sort of stigma associated with being the "healthy one". Some where in my brain I think that not being able to eat Buffalo wings is going to affect how much I enjoy going out with my friends. I know that's ridiculous. I'm 33 years old, somehow I've got to get past these childish insecurities that are holding me back. Who cares what other people think. If someone makes fun of me for ordering a lighter dish then I'm just going to have be confident enough not to react.

Sigh, this weekend is another test. A girls weekend of partying while we help my friend find a wedding dress and try on bridesmaid's dresses. I'll just have to keep telling myself that I don't want to buy a size 16 bridesmaid's dress and I want to be healthy when that plate of cheese fries starts going around....

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