The honeymoon with Kellie, my running partner, is definitely over. I am not writing her off by any means. But, now that she has gotten comfortable with me, her occasional girly slips have become constant. The insecurity. The mindless prattle. The questions that should be hypothetical, about race day conditions, other runners, etc. that she expects me to provide an answer for. The constant need for reassurance. It's exhausting.
The day before my weekly run with Kellie, I went to a potluck dinner with a group of women I met through meetup. What was supposed to be a night of giggles and good food turned into a group therapy session with me as the therapist. Two girly days in a row definitely put me more on edge and made me even less tolerant than I normally am (which is saying something).
Most of my unmarried friends are older than me. At first I thought it was strange that there were so many women in their late 30's and early 40's that were single (and not by choice) but the more time I spend with them, the less shocking it is. These women want to find "the one" and can't figure out why they keep getting duds. But they are so insecure that they won't go to the gym until they lose weight, can't be seen in the food court eating alone, and so on. The weak crap that they are putting out is only going to give them people who are going to live on that. A jerk who is also insecure is dying to find a weak woman that he can put down when he's not feeling great. Someone who won't leave him no matter what he does because they think they deserve it.
No, I'm not the skinny chick who hangs out with a bunch of fat chicks to make herself feel better. Well, I guess I sort of am, but I didn't go out looking for fat chicks. Somehow I can go to a meetup and meet 30 people but the weakest 5 will become people that I hang out with regularly. Maybe because the rest of them have a life already. Who knows. I have always had the ability to attract weakness to me. Regardless, if their going to depend on me to reassure them and guide them through life then I'm going to use them to better myself.
No, I would never skip the gym or a run because of my fear of what people thought of me. But I have moments where I worry that people are wondering how someone who looks like me can be a runner/fitness instructor. In my head I know that I am accomplished at both and I need to remind myself of that and not let my insecurities get the best of me.
So every time they do something that is a 10 on the stupid weak girl scale and I want to shake some sense into them, I will remind myself that I have the same problem (at a 3 on the scale). That as stupid and annoying as they are, I am equally as annoying to someone who is at a 1 on the scale. I have to love and accept myself as much as I expect them to or risk having someone blog about my insecure ass!
The day before my weekly run with Kellie, I went to a potluck dinner with a group of women I met through meetup. What was supposed to be a night of giggles and good food turned into a group therapy session with me as the therapist. Two girly days in a row definitely put me more on edge and made me even less tolerant than I normally am (which is saying something).
Most of my unmarried friends are older than me. At first I thought it was strange that there were so many women in their late 30's and early 40's that were single (and not by choice) but the more time I spend with them, the less shocking it is. These women want to find "the one" and can't figure out why they keep getting duds. But they are so insecure that they won't go to the gym until they lose weight, can't be seen in the food court eating alone, and so on. The weak crap that they are putting out is only going to give them people who are going to live on that. A jerk who is also insecure is dying to find a weak woman that he can put down when he's not feeling great. Someone who won't leave him no matter what he does because they think they deserve it.
No, I'm not the skinny chick who hangs out with a bunch of fat chicks to make herself feel better. Well, I guess I sort of am, but I didn't go out looking for fat chicks. Somehow I can go to a meetup and meet 30 people but the weakest 5 will become people that I hang out with regularly. Maybe because the rest of them have a life already. Who knows. I have always had the ability to attract weakness to me. Regardless, if their going to depend on me to reassure them and guide them through life then I'm going to use them to better myself.
No, I would never skip the gym or a run because of my fear of what people thought of me. But I have moments where I worry that people are wondering how someone who looks like me can be a runner/fitness instructor. In my head I know that I am accomplished at both and I need to remind myself of that and not let my insecurities get the best of me.
So every time they do something that is a 10 on the stupid weak girl scale and I want to shake some sense into them, I will remind myself that I have the same problem (at a 3 on the scale). That as stupid and annoying as they are, I am equally as annoying to someone who is at a 1 on the scale. I have to love and accept myself as much as I expect them to or risk having someone blog about my insecure ass!
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